My Life's Footprints

The Milestones of One's Life

2011-01-25T10:30:00.001+07:00

"If it is a son, we shall call him Haneef" -Mom and Dad-

"He is such a quiet baby" -an aunt-

"He will become a professor some day" -another aunt-

"He always give in to his sister" -yet another aunt (or was it the same previous aunt?)-

"The three rascals...partners-in-crime" -another aunt-

"If a child doesnt talk too much, that means he's thinking" -A Dad's friend-

"You wanna fight?" -A boy at kindergarten, while holding me up by the collars-

"Dad, I think I have fallen in love.." -First puppy love, 7 years old-

"How did she now that I liked her?" -Me, incredulous, 12 years old-
"Duh, it was so obvious..the way that you glance sideways at her during class..the whole class noticed, by the way.." -A dear friend at primary school-

"We dont like the way that you are easily stressed out and being angry at people.." -a dear friend at junior high-

"You have changed a bit Haneef..you are friendlier and more relaxed now.." -a dear friend at junior high-

"I want to get married as soon as possible...I dont want to retire and still have to support my children's education!" -a senior at high school-

"I am officially stepping down as Head Prefect..I cant shoulder the burden" -Me at high school-

"Cikgu (teacher), why even when I smile, I felt sad?" -Me-
"Because you don't smile from the heart, dear" -A dear teacher at high school-

"But I really do love her teacher..I think she's the one for me..there could not be anyone else for me!" -Me-
"(She's your ideal woman) when you are seventeen..only at seventeen" -Another dear teacher at high school-

"Remember this day..come what may..wherever our different paths take us...we will always be friends!" -A pledge between dear friends; last day of high school-

"Congratulations son..our appeal on your behalf have gotten you a place to study medicine in Indonesia... -Dad-

"You cant expect that everyone should follow your standards, your expectations. Everyone has different values. Not everyone is like you." -a dear friend at college-

"We are naming our son after you..we hope that some of your characteristics will rub on to our child" -Another dear teacher at high school, whom I regard as a second father-

"Havent you met someone special in your life?" -another aunt-
"Havent auntie" -me-
"That's so sad...." -that same aunt-

"Abang Haneef, way back in high school..you were my role model" - A former junior at high school-
"Sorry kiddo, the person that you idolized..was nothing more than an illusion..he is a mere shell now. Right now, YOU are far better than I am." -Me-
"I refused to believe that..a person could not have changed that much!" -that junior again-
"Maybe you are right...i hope you are right...." -Me-

"I believe that the day I am ready in Allah's eyes, I will meet my partner in life.." -Me at university-

"Never ever lose you confidence in front of your patients! If you cant find hear the sounds of blood pressure..dont say 'sorry Sir, but I cant find your blood pressure'! What will your patient think? Try and try again until you can hear them! -a dear friend at university-

"2 of our family members are planning to get hitched sometime next year..are you going to follow suit?" -a cousin-

"I believe that when God has put us along a certain path..in our case studying Medicine..we are meant to do just that..don't ever think you are not fit to become a doctor!................ If you could only be more positive about yourself..if your friends can see the good things in you..why cant you see them yourself?" -Another dear friend at university-

"Unspoken love to me..but present always every day of my life" -Mom, Dad, my sisters, my family, my
friends-

These are the meaningful quotes in my life that I have tried to recap..to remind myself and other people

The quotes for the future...remain to be seen..

Love Stanza (my first attempt at poetry)

2010-09-05T01:55:00.003+07:00

'Twas a bright sunny day; but with the breeze, the heat is abated
That you first came into my life; by chance? or was it fated?
It was poetry in motion, that left me captivated

Something about you sets my heart aglow
Was it an instinct? a hunch? I cannot know
But I was taken by you from the word go

There's something about you (not Mary!); that have me spellbound
'Twas in your sanguinity & uninhibited character; and the cheeky warmth that is abound
And that fiery and brave spirit in standing your ground

Though that most strong women; preferred even stronger men
I do wish that for me; you make an exception
For eventhough I am gentle and meek outside; internally I am a man of great ambition & intention

It was written in the stars; by Allah's decree
You are not perfect; yet are good enough to complete me
I am very grateful that I have met thee

So, please, dear woman, a chance, perhaps, to prove my worthiness?
To prove that I can fill your life with happiness
To help navigate you through this life of uncertainty and craziness

Oh my dear; I do wish you would accept my feelings
Because it's been a while since I have been eating (but thank God I am still drinking!)
Dont leave me hanging here; dont leave me reeling

I will always work hard to be the man of your dreams
Although I am imperfect; I will never stop trying to be the top of the cream
I will never rest on my laurels; nor will stop at the seams

Oh, the woman of my dreams; the object of my affection
If you say yes; then I will be a very happy man; free off affliction
And my life will be filled with more conviction

Yet even if you say no; or you have met someone better
I will not begrudge you; nor I will be bitter
I will pray for your happiness; and hope you have...a better future

For if it turns out that it was not written in the stars; as I had predicted
There is a silver lining in all that Allah has decreed
Dont be down in the dumps just because you had been rejected

Rejection doesnt mean that you are useless or weak
It's just an issue of compatibility; and not of anyone's mistake
To be better with each relationship; so that eventually you will find someone suitable to your own make

I think I have go on for too long
Any more longer than I might just write a song
Thank you if you are still reading this (cant find any word that rhymes with ong)

Dont be worried if you are still single
Because Allah is just giving you the opportunity to mingle
Until one day you find that special somebody that sets your heart a-jingle

So, my friends, never lose hope, never lose heart, never lose trust
There is someone out there for each of us
May we all achieve happiness..Allah bless us!

Movie Review: Sang Pemimpi

2010-01-01T07:44:00.002+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good morning.

"Bermimpilah, maka Tuhan akan memeluk mimpi-mimpimu"

"Ayahku, ayah juara satu seluruh dunia"

On 2010 New Year's Eve, I watched Sang Pemimpi (SP), an Indonesian movie based on a novel by the same name at the cinema. The delay in seeing SP was on purpose, because I prefer the queue for tickets to thin out quite a bit.

To say that SP is a good movie is an understatement. It is a brilliant movie, by a mile. One of the most memorable movies I have watched in 2009.

I have read the book by Andrea Hirata (AH), a brilliant masterpiece by its own accord and IMO the best book of the Laskar Pelangi tetralogy, and was curious as to what direction would producer Mira Lesmana (MR) & director Riri Riza (RR) take in transferring SP to the silver screen. MR & RR had always impressed me, ever since when I first saw their work as co-producers to Rudy Soedjarwo's Ada Apa Dengan Cinta.

MR & RR has done it again. Where Laskar Pelangi the movie has some kinks here & there (otherwise a good movie), SP is nearly faultless. MR & RR hit all the right notes, from the word go.

Some creative licence is always needed whenever a book adapted to a movie. You cant transfer all the ideas brick by brick, because what might work in the books might not work in the movies. The most important thing is the director is able to capture the book's essence and spirit in the movie. In this respect the movie doesn't disappoint.

SP is about daring to dream in the face of adversity, the importance of education & hardwork, the love between father & son, a teacher's role. The bittersweet love of the younger folks.

The camerawork is spectacular. I like the way that the camera is constantly changing it's focus, panning out from background view to the immediate view & vice-versa. The angles that the camerawork use are brilliant. Because every object has it's role in the movie. Some has symbolic meanings. In some scenes, no dialogue is needed. e.g. The dousing of fire and the releasing of the monkey at Arai's home...of moving on and cutting his ties with his past.

MR & RR's attention to detail is astounding. SP being a period piece (set in the 80's and 90's), they manage to convincingly recreate that time period.
The old rickety bicycles, the worn-out calendars, the weather-beaten name planks, the clothing, the hustle-bustle of a shanty town with people walking and cycling in the background, the old motorbikes...all managed to create that engrossing environment.

Music is also used effectively. It was never intrusive, and complement the scenes quite well, especially in the heart-touching scenes of Ikal and his father.

The acting is top-notch. All of the important characters are played convincingly by the actors. Especially: Ahmad Saifullah as the teenage Arai, Azwir Fitrianto as the teenage Jimbron, Mathias Muchus as Seman (Ikal's father), and Jay Widjajanto as Bang Zaitun. Arai was what I imagined him to be: roguish impish character but with a kind heart. Azwir managed to make Jimbron funny & likeable. Jay was spot on as the flamboyant outlandish singer, Bang Zaitun. But Mathias tops it all. His dialogues were few and far in between, but his character as a loving father was expressed by his mannerism & actions, a testament of Bp Mathias' skills as an actor.

And finally, the narrative is superb. The story managed to be: poignant, funny, touching, motivating at different times.

Funny: Jimbron's and Bang Zaitun's character, Arai trying to woo Zakiah Nurmala, the main trio's escapades from Bp Mustar..

Poignant and touching: Arai's intro as an orphan, Ikal's relationship with his father, Nurmi's scene, the friendship between Arai, Ikal, & Jimbron; ...

Motivating and uplifting: the importance of education, the roles of teachers (personified by Bp Mustar and Bp Balia), the desire to dream..

The only gripe I have was that the story felt a little weak in the final 15 minutes. The reaction of Ikal's parents to his letter was a bit out of character compared to the previous scenes, especially for Bp Seman. And the final scenes was a bit draggy (although it did end with a witty line.. ..^^)

But I truly enjoyed Sang Pemimpi.

No other movie have made me cry so earnestly.
No other movie have made me more fond of my father.
No other movie have made me more in touch with my Malay roots.
No other movie have made me more grateful that I have the opportunity to learn and be educated.
No other movie have made me more than ever to want to hope. To have a dream.

To become a Pemimpi like Arai.

That's how good Sang Pemimpi is.

Wassalam.... ^^v

Birthday party: analyze that ^^v

2009-12-13T17:32:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum and good evening,

I suspected that if Allah hadn't decreed me to be a doctor, I would have made a good linguist. But I digress.

There are many schools of thought when it comes to categorizing people based on their general behaviour. I think (without any research) that most of them tend to divide people to four groups. Keirsey system divides people to Guardians, Rationalists, Artists, and Idealists.

The Four Temperaments (which have roots from the teachings of Hippocrates regarding humorism) on the other hand divides people to:

Sanguine: people person, short attention span, confident, loves to entertain, lively, livewire, fun-loving,spontaneous, extrovert
Choleric: Go-getter, charismatic, leader type, energetic, ambitious, irritable
Phlegmatic: laidback, compassionate, peacemaker, witty, observant, lazy, shy
Melancholic: Introvert, ponderer, thinker, fastidious, reflective, sentimental, depressed

The characteristics are not set in stone. Most people will have a combination of 2 or 3 types, but every body will have a dominating character type.

I attended a friend's birthday party today. Parties are a good way of seeing myriad of people interactions. When the party involves a large gathering of people, say more than 20 people, soon you will see during the course of that party, the formation of little islands of congregation. Subconsciously some people who have good chemistry will band together and mingle around.

There will those who'll be the centre of attentions, some who listened with rapt attention, some who are present physically but let their minds wander, some who observed other people, etc etc.

No prize guessing which type I am eh? hehe. I am a melancholist through and through. But previously I thought my breakdown was this: 70% melancholic, 20% sanguine, and 10% phlegmatic.

But after an evening at a friend's party, I reflected, and realized that maybe it's more like: 70% melancholic, 15% phlegmatic, 10% sanguine, and 5% choleric.

I have always marvelled at my own way of perceiving things. Thinking too much and in a convoluted complicated kind of way comes to me naturally, like breathing or eating.

When guys go to watch movies they do just that; watch movies. But I will find myself thinking about who is the director of that movie and how does this one stack up to his previous films, what was the main actor's previous movies, what would be the best lines from that movie that I would store in my brain and quote relentlessly, etc etc.

And when my friends are enjoying themselves at a friend's birthday party, I was categorizing the guests according to 4 temperaments. hehe. Scary...

And then another unique reflection comes to mind... "I am afraid that in this personality of data-amassing, number-crunching, and hard analyzing..there is no place for a soul-mate (read:women) to understand me"

Lho? koq mikirnya gitu sih? (huh? why do you have that way of thinking)

haha.

Just random thoughts in a grey evening.

Wassalam...

p/s: Happy birthday Nani! May ur adventures ahead are filled with vibrant colours of joy! ^^v

Leading a simple fulfilling life

2009-12-11T16:23:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum & evening people..

People who know me say: I think too much, I complicate matters, I worry too much.

Guilty on all charges. (^^)

But allow me to be optimistic. Indulge me.

I like to think that I have improved by leaps and bounds over these past few years. Alhamdulillah.

The key to be happy in life is to be grateful.

We human beings are always led astray by our inherent greed & envy. These 2 characters are considered in Christen-dom as part of the 7 deadly sins. With good reason.

If we can cast away our greed & envy towards other people, we will feel better.

Be grateful with what you have, & never think less of yourself. Never think that you are useless and replaceable. For in the grand scheme of things, each & everyone of us is important in this world, and have our own roles to play; our own niche to fill. To each of us; his/her own unique place in this world.

Count your blessings people! And never give up hope! (^^)

"The world is a lovely place and worth fighting for. I believe with the 2nd part"
-Morgan Freeman; Seven-

Wassalam.

The Sabine Chronicles 4: A dear friend's visit

2009-10-04T14:35:00.002+07:00

previous part of the story...It was a cold night

A wet and misty Sunday morning.

The living room radio is fittingly belting out Maroon 5’s Sunday Morning.

“Sunday morning rain is falling…steal some cover… share some skin…”

Hazami smiles wrily. Rain is definitely falling alright. Bed covers are aplenty. But there’s decidedly no skin. Unless it was his own.

He’s expecting company. The table on the patio is set and ready. Nothing that’s too fancy. French toast, with marmalade aside. Fried eggs. Cups which are twins of each other brimming with ground coffee. Wisps of steam arise from the cups and dissipate to the cold air.

Presently the doorbell rang. “Assalamualaikum” chirped the built-in greeting.

“Waalaikumussalam. Come Sabine, let’s greet him.” Sabine abruptly rose and stretched. “He better bring along some treats or else,” seemed to be the feline’s body language. Hazami chuckled, more to himself.

In the doorway stood Azzim. His dear friend since secondary school days.

“Nice of you to drop by, Azzim. How was the commute from Penang yesterday?How’s the business talk?”
“Both was pleasant. Likewise Zam. It’s been ages.”
“Come, I have set the table for two.” “Meowww,” Sabine protested. “Well, two and a half.” Hazami added apologetically. “Haha, how are you faring, Sabine?” Azzim petted Sabine affectionately. “Here’s some Whiskie. Tuna. Your favourite.” Azzim produced a small pack of cat food. Sabine purred approvingly.

The three of them sat at the table, Sabine at the floor curling with 2 bowls of milk and tuna Whiskie.

Hazami and Azzim spent the greater part of the hour talking about work, old friends, goings-on of the world. They have a lot to catch up about each other. Work and, in Azzim’s case, family, have been occupying them both these days. Azzim, a botanical researcher with USM in Penang, Hazami, young GP doctor upon the throes of registrarship.

“So, you are set on specializing in Medicine?” “If there’s still empty seats for the scholarship from UKM, eitherwise…I am keeping my fingers crossed,” Hazami said. “Other specializations?” “Not really into them much. In fact, back when I was a lowly intern, an OG specialist appraised me physically and said, Kid, you get Medicine stamped all over you. Haha, no, I think Medicine is the best option for me. Either it or I am looking at another opening next time. I am not in a hurry.”

“Well, you know best..”said Azzim. “How is Rafidah and Raudhah?”asked Hazami. “Mom and daughter? Alhamdulillah, they are healthy. It’s been 2 months now since Raudhah was born.” Azzim mused “That’s good to hear. And your Tiger?” “Azri?Scraped his knee for the umpteenth time last week.” Hazami smiled, and added, “Boys of his age are always adventurous. I broke my own forearm bone when I was also 5.”
“Yes, yes. Haha. And it seems only just yesterday I was a doting first-time father.”
And these close friends laughed heartily. And after the peals of laughter subsided, a moment of silence. Sabine is lapping silently at the milk bowl.

Azzim took the initiative, “So, how are you holding up?” “Hmm? Meaning…?” Hazami replied quizzically.

“Come on Zam, you know what I mean. I…don’t take this the wrong way Zam. But don’t you feel lonely? This place you have here, it is nice and cozy. But it is missing something. Don’t you… don’t you want to give it another try?”

Hazami smiled, but it was a tired smile. “Well, I do have Sabine. She’s good company. And Mak, Ayah, and my dear sisters and their families, my friends, all are just a phone away, if it gets really boring..” Hazami patted Sabine absent-mindedly. “Besides, I am busy with work. I don’t have time to go anywhere..”

Azzim sighed. “I’m just worried for you mate, that’s all. You are the only one you know…who are still not hitched.” “Yes, previously it was a contest between me and Hamidah and Zamani right? Haha,” Hazami laughed, but his laughter died abruptly when he saw Azzim’s concerned look. “Well, thanks Zim for your concern. It’s not that I haven’t thought about it. It’s just that I have been used to being on my own, that I have adapted to it. Now I cook my own meal. If I grew tired of my cookings, there’s always eat-outs. Cleaning up has always been my forte. There are many more books, countless movies waiting for me to dig my teeth into. My days are occupied to the max, that I never have the time to feel alone.”

Azzim eyed Hazami intently. “Is that really true? I don’t think you yourself believe in what you said just now. I know you brother. Maybe more than anyone else.”
Hazami sighed a deep long sigh. “I suppose you are right. Maybe it was my own self that I was trying so hard to convince. This house…” Hazami waved his hand around, “…needs its Queen. But you, Zim, of all people should understand. I am tired. It’s always the same with each woman. They will always say: You think too much. You are not confident enough. You are just too childish. You are too analytical. You make a mountain out of a mole-hill. You are fretful. You are not old enough. You are just too weird.. And the list goes on. Not to mention all those cheatings and lyings. That wardrobe there is bursting open.”

Azzim nodded sympathetically. Hazami had that curious habit of storing an iconic item which signifies each and everyone of his relationship in one mahogany wardrobe in his house. It is fitted with see-through glass panels, 1 metre by half a metre, with 3 rows. And it’s full to the brim. Letters, dried up flower petals, pendants.

“I…..I don’t know what to expect anymore. I know that time is not on my side. At 34, I can’t elect to be choosy. Do you think that I have been…well….too selective?”asked Hazami.

Azzim closed his eyes and reflected. All those run of bad lucks. Improper timing. Being hoodwinked a couple of times by money-grabbing women. Not the right situation. And Azzim thought, “No.” Hazami was always accommodating of other people’s faults. He was willing to accept folks for who they are. And Azzim answered likewise. “No, you are not.” Azzim added, “But never give up hope, Zam. Never give up hope, I implore you. You are a special one in my eye. Never thought of less of yourself. Maybe…maybe Allah saved the best for you, for last.”

Hazami smiled, “Ameen. Thank you. I never really gave up hope.”

Then the conversation continued for a little while. Until it’s time to leave.

“Thanks for the meal. Keep in touch…and keep your spirits up.” “I will Zim. I will. Regards to Rafidah, wouldn’t you?” “Of course I will. Assalamualaikum. Bye Sabine.” “Waalaikumussalam.” “Purr,” come Sabine’s answer. Upon that cue, Azzim and his Peugeot, was gone. Back to Penang.

“Well, Sabine, time to clean up.” “Meoww.”

That night, while Hazami was taking in the wondrous night sky peppered with glowing stars, through the glass roof, he said a silent prayer. “O Allah, let there be no more new additions to that mahogany wardrobe. I can’t afford to buy a new one.”

He smiled, and drifted to Morpheous’ realm again. At that armchair by the bookcase, to the tune of Celine Dion’s When I Fall in Love….

“When I fall in love…it would be forever..or I’ll never fall in love..”
“And the moment that…I feel that…you feel that way too…is when I fall in love..with…you….”

He drifted more and more deep in his slumber, but with a difference tonight.

With hope.

The Sabine Chronicles 3: It was a cold night...

2009-06-30T06:34:00.005+07:00

previous part of the story...Not taking his own medicine

So cold.

The car's thermometre implied that the air outside was 22 Celsius.

He stopped at the local 7-11 to grab some milk.

"Evening Dr!" chirped Grace the cashier. "Evening.." was the tired reply. "Tired" was strengthened by the panda eyes, that haggard appearance, the 2-day shirt. The unruly sorry excuse for a hair.

Tired! Was the unanimous equivocal statement.

"Are those Good Day ones in stock, Grace dear?" "Sorry, sold out for the day. But the Dutch Lady's are at the back."

He cringed. Dutch Lady is a bit expensive. All the same, he took two of the Lady's.

"Working late Dr?" "At the end of a 2-day shift. Going home for a while to have my 40 winks," he replied with a wry smile.

"So, Dr, when is our big date?" Grace said with mischievous eyes. He smiled. "If I have told u, I have said it a million times. I am too old for you. Wouldn't want to be charged with a minor."

"Aww, too bad. I was hoping that we can go to somewhere cozy..." "Bye Grace!Nite!" Grace's advances was cut short.

That last 1 km drive home was uneventful. "Damn that Grace!" Always teasing him. Another tired smile. Rounding that last cul-de-sac, parking his Toyota Vios.

"Assalamualaikum. Sabine! I'm home!"

Down came Sabine from upstairs, prancing gracefully. Quite the feminine grace. With that haughty blue eyes. Colour of lapis lazuli. Striking.
Air of confidence. Like she commanded the room. Sucking the very air into her. Like an endless vortex.
That silky hair. Soft to the touch.
Those lovely curves. Shapely.

"There you are! Do you miss me? Hope you have eaten those dishes that I've prepared for you." He stroked her hair. "I've got you some milk" he added. She eyed him thoughtfully.

And he went to prepare himself his first square meal in days. Nothing sashy. Just fried rice with omelette. The one that everyone can whip up in 20 mins. He also cooked for his dear Sabine.

They had a simple dinner together. Of course, Sabine must have her dinner with milk. All the while he was regaling her about that difficult specialist Dr. Ifrinda, or about Puan Malika's improving conditions, or Azzim's new son, or Angah's salary increase, Adik's new job, Dad's new golf set, and about Mum's impending retirement.

He was content after that. For Sabine is very a good listener. She makes the speaker feel appreciated.

He cleaned things up. For eventhough Sabine is a good listener, she was no good in tidying things up. Some might consider that a fatal error. It was fine by him.

And then he went to his armchair by the hi-fi.
Next to the armchair was a bookcase stuffed to the brim with books. All kinds of books imagineable. Most of the books are well-worn. Testament that he has read them countless times.

He plucked a cd into that old hi-fi. Out came the classic song I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith.

To the tune of that song he picked Tere-Liye's Bidadari Surga from the bookshelf. Tere-Liye is an Indonesian writer. His writings are about slice-of-life. Perseverance. Hope. Struggle.

He read it for the umpteenth time. While absent-mindedly stroking Sabine's hair. Steve Tyler's voice in his ears.

Past the half-hour mark, he fell asleep on that armchair. Upon closer inspection, that armchair too seemed well-worn. As if the owner constantly fell asleep while reading there. And that was the case actually. Has always been for years now. He rarely sleeps in his bedroom anymore. Preferring this sanctuary of armchair/hi-fi/bookcase to the splendor of his bedroom.
He is more contented this way.

"I dont wanna close my eyes...I dont wanna fall asleep..coz I miss you baby..and I dont wanna miss a thin'.."

But he did fall asleep.

Sabine, seeing him slipping into Morpheus' realm, slowly yawned herself. But she was not quite tired. She's not diurnal anyway. Nocturnal is her biology. And then she pranced on her four legs.

Four??

Yes, four. For she is not Homo sapiens. More like Felis domesticus.

The book Bidadari Surga slowly falls from his lap. The upturned page is page 290. A sentence commanded our attention.

"Ia sudah terbiasa dengan kesendiriannya..."

continued in...A dear friend's visit

First 2 months in clinical rotations...

2009-06-30T06:06:00.002+07:00

Assalamualaikum,

I started my clinical rotations of 2 years on 4th May 2009 (which is also Adik's birthday, that's 2 pivotal moments on 1 date).

Due to luck of the draw, my first posting was Obstetrics and Gynecology (henceforth OG) department for 2 months.

Just finished OG. Got a break for 1 week before entering ENT (Ear Nose Throat) department.

Havent got any pictures as mementos of my exp in OG. I am just not a picture-snapper. But "a picture is worth more than a thousand word", or so they say. Must change this habit :) . The dearth of pictures in my collection also means the dearth of memories.

Entering clinical rotations (henceforth CR) means being a member of a permanent group of colleague. All of the students in my batch are broken down to small groups of 11 to 12 people. Big dept like OG will constitute a permanent combination of 2 groups.

Since through the theoretical years foreign students have a different schedule than Indonesian students, this is my first time of truly mixing with my Indonesian friends. Alhandulillah, I can get along well with my group members. (which is a given, considering that these are the people I will work with for the next 2 years).

So, the past 2 months have taught me a lot of things, and got me thinking very hard.

The moment you wore that white coat, it entails a lot of things. Responsibility, accountability. People trusted you a lot. And if you are not deserving of that white coat, you must buck up or ship out. Every time I wore that white coat, I felt undeserving. Feeling that I have to be better as a doctor.

Being Sensitive to All Human Tragedies Irrespective of Race, Nations, or Creed: Part 1

2009-02-28T23:49:00.004+07:00

Assalamualaikum and good morning,

Without meaning to make light of the gravity of situation in the recent Gaza conflict, which in itself is deserving of our unbridled attention, there are other plights afflicting groups of people which we might not be aware of, due to lack of media coverage, because their plights are "not important to the political global landscape".

First, there are the plight of the Rohingyas, an ethnic group of mostly Islam by religion which traditionally lives in Arakan, in northern Myanmar. They are a marginalised community in Myanmar, deprived of their ancestral land and rights for Myanmar citizenship.
Prof. Gabriele Marranci wrote about their plight in three of his articles (in chronological order) : The other, invisible suffering of Burma; Rohingya Odyssey: a silent cultural genocide?; and Rohingya Muslims and injustice: a security issue? . Their plight are not even listed in the list of ongoing conflicts worldwide in Wikipedia.

Excerpts from Marranci's articles:

"Rohingya Muslims are victims of their lack of strategic value, both for their native Southeast Asia and the wider international community. Similarly to the tragic reality of Black Muslims in Darfur, their lives have no economic, or political, value for the rest of our cynical world."

"It is clear that the Islamic concept of ummah has little value when compared to political interests. Rohingya Muslims in Bangladesh, as in other Muslim countries such as Indonesia or Malaysia , are no more welcomed than in Thailand. Rohingya Muslims have protested, even recently, and tried to make more and more people aware, especially other ‘brothers’ and ’sisters’, of their intolerable condition. Yet who is really listening to them?"

"...the majority of Muslims, even those so ready to violently scream and shamefully misbehave in the name of a free Palestine, will not whisper even a single word to help these ‘brothers’. How many Muslims have heard an imam mention the name Rohingya during his supplication (Du’a) for Afghanis, Palestinians, Iraqis and even perhaps the Chechen muhajedeen?"

" ...many Muslim governments...still play the ‘Muslim ummah’ card, as in the case of the Danish Cartoons, when it is needed for their political games - but never when ordinary Muslims, like the Rohingya, without political value to barter with, find themselves oppressed."

"...the discussion is not about them, as human beings or to address their issues, but rather about how to get rid of them as quickly as possible."

Next, is the Darfur conflict raging in Sudan. Last year, the conflict managed to grab headlines for a stretch of time, before being relegated to the dustbins of journalism. The conflict is between people of African-Arab descent (specifically the Janjaweeds, allegedly helped by the Sudanese government) and the Black Africans living in Darfur province of Sudan. UN estimated that around 300 000 people had died. Further information can be gleaned from Wikipedia and the BBC.

The Gaza conflict has ceased for the time being, but the Sri Lankan conflict is still ongoing. The conflict is between the Sri Lankan Government (dominated by the Sinhalese) and the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE), who fights for an independent state for the Tamil minority. Since the conflict initially erupted in 1983, 80 000 people has been killed. Now, after years of fighting, it seemed that the balance of power has shifted to the Sri Lankan Army, who has occupied most of north-eastern Sri Lanka (LTTE power base) and pushed the LTTE to a strip of land there.
However, about 200 000 civilians (est.) who are mostly Tamils and not affiliated to LTTE are still trapped in the crossfire.

I was drawn to these conflicts, because it seemed to me that the immediate circle of people around me are sometimes selective in tuning their compassion to the victims of human conflicts.

(to be continued...) Part 2

Broadening Your Horizons About the Gaza Incident

2009-02-28T23:16:00.003+07:00

Assalamualaikum and good evening,

Since I havent been actively blog-hopping for the past few months, when I do blog-hop for a few hours today, digging up blog archives, there are some noteworthy articles that piqued my interest, and I would like to share with you guys.

The first group of articles is about the current Gaza conflict between Israel and Palestine (going on for close to 60 years now).

My heart goes out to all the innocent civilians who died or were maimed during the conflict, irrespective of Palestinians or Jews. Contrary to popular belief, not all Jews support the active war effort perpetrated by the Israeli government against the Palestinians, although I cant vouch as to the number of these peace-minded Jews. But it can be said that most of the casualties during the 6 decades of conflict have been Palestinians.

Read these articles with an open heart.

Prof. Gabriele Marranci argues that the conflict might be a way for both Kadima and Hamas to appease their respective citizens, trapping them in a cycle of death.
He also argues that if we truly analyze the conflict, it is a political conflict, not a religious one.

Mustafa Akyol wrote that the main problem is that both sides seemed to think that their cause is the right one, and the other side is the evil one.

Tun Dr Mahathir also wrote a series of rebuttals to the claims made by the Jews regarding the conflict.

I hope that you will gain something from them.

Wassalam.

Entering Clinical years...Finally!

2009-02-28T22:33:00.007+07:00

Assalamualaikum and good evening,

If my blog page is considered a bookshelf, festoons of cobwebs will be dangling from its corners.

The past few months have been very crucial for me. I was finishing my theoretical years, culminating with the important exam of Penilaian Berbasis Kompetensi Ko-Asisten, aka PBKK for short in Indonesian language. In English, roughly it translates to Med Interns Assesment Based on their Competency.

What makes PBKK more terrifying to us UGM med students was due to its nature of not relying on written answers, but rather your skills and ability to cope with pressure. Basically, you have to perform a series of clinical skills (anamnesis, delivering a baby, suturing skins, etc. ) in a limited time-frame while having your lecturers breathing up your neck like vultures feasting upon carrions.

Well, I did exaggerate a bit, hehe.

Add to the fact that you never know what your exact questions would be until the moment you enter the exam room, e.g. we know that Room 1 is for Emergency Cases, but will we get CPR and ET, or CPR with Splint? How about Integrated Patient Management (IPM)? Will I get the comparatively lightweight TB, or will I get the devious CHF?

So, at the end of the day, it's a combination of hard work and pure luck.
Some will work their a** off for this exam and still flunked it because they get the 'perfectionist' examiners who expect you to do everything to a tee, or because they get the HIV case, or because their nerves just fail them.
Others with less work rate might find the exam plain sailing and pass because they have 'kind' examiners (oh, they are still students...still learning..as long as they don't mess up too much...), or they might get that TB or Malaria case.

Oh, the PBKK was on 24 February, 4 days ago. Results will be out by 14 March.
If I pass it, Insya Allah I am eligible to enter the clinical rotations come 23 March.
If I don't, then I will have to wait another month before I had another go for PBKK remedial.
Yup, that's right, another month of waiting while your friends are practicing at the hospitals.
With a failure rate of between 50 to 60% for first-timers, I am keeping my fingers crossed.

What to do between 24/2 and 14/3 you say? Well, I am currently back in Malaysia now for 2 weeks break. Figured that since in clinical years my longest holidays would be 1 week breaks, I am spending time with my family now. Clinical years would be close to 2 years before completion.

Hope that me and my fellow batchmates will all be part of the first intake for clinical rotations, Insya Allah.

But for now, a break. The calm before the storm.... :)

Wedding Tag

2008-12-10T21:25:00.003+07:00

1) Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right NOW!.
2) DON’T change your clothes, DON’T fix your hair…just take a picture.
3) Post that picture with NO editing.
4) Post these instruction with your picture.

ok, so I might have straightened my hair a bit. It was a tangled mess.

1.How old are you?
23.

2. Are you single?
Yes.

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Probably between 31 to 35. Allah may have other plans though.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
I dont understand the phrase "the person you are with now". Friends? Special someones? If it's the former, maybe. If it's the latter, then I am still unlucky in that department.

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
A woman who shares the same goal and vision in life as me. A person whom I can understand & appreciate, and vice versa.

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
Garden wedding.

7. Your ideal motif?
Colour theme is white and light blue. Dashes of peach would be nice. Scent of lilies and lavender.

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Japan, under the sakura trees. Or wherever my wife preferred.

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
around 500 to 800.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
Somewhere in the middle ground, not too extravagant as to be wasteful, and not as simple as to be meaningless.

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
Something of our own creation.

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
5 layers.

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?

Simple place. A hotel usually will render the atmosphere to be soulless.

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
Morning. At the break of dawn. Signifying a great beginning of hope.

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Outdoors is the preference.

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom/bride?
If she consented to it. Probably try to convince her anyway. Would like to make her feel special.

17. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding?
I Hear You Everywhere by Tanaka Rie, Tercipta Untukku by Ungu, Destiny by Jim Brickman & Jordan Hill, Super Trouper by ABBA, I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith, When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating, You'll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins, Keabadian Cinta by Anuar Zain, Belaian Jiwa by Innuendo, Kau Ilhamku by Man Bai, Rumahku Syurgaku and Selamat Pengantin Baru by Hijjaz, and Cari Pasangan by Rabbani.

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Morning person.

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
Solemn ceremony.

20. What age do you want to get married?
Repeat question..Refer no.3..Ideally will be 26.

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.

A woman who shares the same goal and vision in life as me. A person whom I can understand & appreciate for what she is (warts and all), and vice versa.

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
Never a fan of fine dining anyway. Its too much of a hassle. Normal please.

23. Champagne or red wine?
Hehe. Apple juice?

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Right after.

25. Money or household item?
No preferences. Appreciate all gifts.

26. Who will pay for the bills?
Going Dutch here.

27. Are you ready for married life?
I am not a good judge as to that. Having said that, I think that I have lots of thing in myself that I have to work upon and change, before embarking on the road to matrimony.

28. Do you think you will still be a virgin until u get married?
Definitely.

29. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
God-willing, yes.

30. How many kids do you like?
4 or 5 would be nice.

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
No preferences, so long as it's nice, cozy, and manageable.

32. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
God-willing, yes.

33. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
Oriental.

34. Will you record your honeymoon in a cd or dvd?

Yes, I will. For future memories.

Life of the Morally Grey

2008-12-10T07:29:00.003+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good evening,

In the fictive world, writers are wont to delineate their integral characters into clear-cut personalities of good & evil. White againsts black.

Rowling gave us the opposing forces of Harry Potter & Voldemort, Tolkien fleshes out the antagonism of Aragorn & Sauron, Lucas spun a story of Luke Skywalker against the Emperor.

But what strikes me is, us real-life characters, are not easily classified into black & white. More often than not, it is likely grey. That is why sometimes I find it hard to relate to these black or white characters. Because they may at times seemed unrealistic in the real setting. The white characters are sometimes holier-than-thou, uptight, preachy. The black characters are hell-bent on destruction, & being evil for evil’s sake.

Perhaps realizing this, the aforementioned writers did include grey characters in their literary works. Rowling dishes out Snape, an ambiguous character, whose true intentions are only revealed towards the end of the magnum opus, in The Deathly Hallow. Snape’s actions was mainly motivated by his undying love to a certain character. Tragic doesn’t even describe Snape’s story. Tolkien put forth the character Boromir, the son of the Steward of Gondor, who was seduced by the power of the One Ring, believing that he can wield it to destroy the evil that is Sauron. Lucas introduced to us the tragic Darth Vader, who was turned into a monstrous being to save his wife.

Maybe, because in these grey ones, I see the most correct way to describe humanity. These grey characters stumble in their lives’ path, make mistakes. But at the same time, they sometimes do acts of good. There is always the question of redemption.

Which is actually similar to the stories of most of us, right?

Because in the end, Snape eventually helped Dumbledore & Harry to bring about the downfall of Voldemort, Boromir died at Amon Hen defending the Hobbits, & Darth Vader threw the Emperor to his death by the core reactor. These men have sinned, because they make choices that they thought was the best. But they turned out right in the end.

So, don’t be hard on yourself if you make mistakes. At the cost of sounding a bit lame, “to err is human, to be perfect is divine”. What is more important, you learn from your mistakes.

Wassalam. Happy Eid Adha to all Muslims.

p/s: Sorry Dayah. I made your tag later. Been a bit busy now.

My Bedrock

2008-10-27T21:14:00.005+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good evening,

I wonder why I never posted about my family before. They are such an integral part of my life. I am what I am, because of their continued love & support.

Ayah, you have taught me to stand up for myself, and never flinch at life's challenges. You are the source of my admiration. If I even have half of your qualities, I will become a greater person than I am now.

Emak, words cannot express the sacrifice and love you have given to me all these years. There could never be a more understanding, a more loving Mom. I hope that I can repay your deeds by becoming a very good person.

Angah and Adik, thank you for being such good sisters. Over the years we have gone through so much. It has always been my greatest fear that I have not played the part of a big brother as good as I had envisaged. I hoped that my fear is baseless. I hoped that I have been a good role model for you, my dear sisters.

I just arrived in Jogja yesterday.

Somehow, my farewell with my family this time weighs heavily on my heart. Greater than usual. There's more than the usual tinge of sadness.

There's a heartfelt longing for them this time around.

Ya Allah, tempatilah mereka dalam kasih sayang-Mu.

Today is A Gift

2008-10-27T20:55:00.002+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good evening,

There comes a time when a person pulls all the stops & examine how his life has been going up until that point.

If it was my case, I have pulled all the stops countless times.

Friends have said that I am fretful, that I think too much.

Too burdened by past regrets, too mired with what's too come.

Like Master Oogway say to Po in Kungfu Panda, "You are too concerned with what was & what will be." but Oogway then continued, "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."

Once heard during a Friday sermon:
"The most successful person is he who has no regrets of his past actions, is contented with what he is now, and doesnt worry about the future"
I guess I am not successful then. Terribly not successful.

If I had done things differently in days past, would I change for the better?

The challenges of the future, will I be ready to face them head-on?

Have I accomplished what I always dream of?

Ya Allah, tabahkanlah hatiku. Tunjukkanlah aku ke jalan yang Kau redhai.

15 facts about me...

2008-09-10T12:51:00.005+07:00

Assalamualaikum... & good day,

Well, in the spirit of satiating my dear friend NK, and at the risk of my blog becoming another time-forgotten blog *hint hint*wink wink*...well, here goes...

Rules :
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!!

Okay here we go:

1. I like cute animals. Cats, rabbits, hamsters, ...even puppies!

2. My room's neatness is the outward expression of my state of mind. Neat = good state, messy = demotivated, I-dont-care-anymore attitude.

3. I am a sucker for romantic comedies, which are hard to come by these days. Oh yes.. Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, While You Were Sleeping, My Best Friend's Wedding!

4. Having said that, I dont dig horror movies. Or sickening stuff. You know. Saw and Final Destination series for example. Or Child's Play. 'Coz my brain will replay the sickening moments for weeks.

5. I give names to my things that I'm really attached. Oh yes. I am typing this on Athena, & I go to campus with my Humaira'. Oh yes...

6. I sucks at drawing things. Wouldnt make a good partner in Win, Lose, or Draw.

7. I recalled that I watched M.A.S.K cartoon as a child. Nope, not the green face Mask. I am talking M.A.S.K with T-Bob the robot, a baddie named Mayhem, n vehicles which could change to weapon systems. Weird, none of my friends seems privy about the show.

8. I was never involved in a fist-fight. Not ever. Weird...

9. First having major dislocation of my bone or tendon, was when I was 4 I think. Was trying to reach for the remote while standing on my tricycle. Hey, I was 4....

10. Lime juice rulezzz.....always...

11. Back when they were young, my 2 sisters were always bickering, even in the family car. So I will always sit in the middle of the back seat, on family outings. Yup, Big Bro / Berlin Wall. They made up now.

12. Never received a love letter. Never been on a date. Never been in a relationship. (Do all these count as one? haha.)

13. Like to memorize movie lines, book lines, song lyrics, esp the ones which rivet my mind. Capture my attention. Fascinates me. & it's not a conscious effort. It just happens.

14. Had my first crush when I was 7. Since then, must have gone through like 20 crushes. 1 love letter. 1 rejection.

15. I am actually a lazy-bum & not studious. But most of my friends have these weird notions that I am a nerd (which is the only true part) who buried himself in books 24-7. My close
associates will beg to differ. But I do want to be studious & hardworking. haha.

There. . After reading them myself, I realized, not such an interesting person after all. Oh well.
Wassalam.
Cheerios!

Sepi...best Malaysian film in years...

2008-08-18T07:04:00.015+07:00

(disclaimer : the pictures are taken from Mr Fadz's blog, tontonmovie.)

Assalamualaikum & good morning,

During my recent holidays in Malaysia, I managed to catch Kabir Bhatia's latest offering, Sepi. By a unique turn of events, I end up going alone to see it. Prior to coming back to Malaysia, I don't know that Mr Kabir was working on a new movie. So, a few days after I arrived home, when I first noticed the vibes about Sepi, my interest was immediately piqued. Adding the fact that it has a strong ensemble cast, a who's who of the Malaysian industry, really drives me to see it. And the fact that I never went to the cinemas to watch a Malaysian movie is saying something. (Not even Cinta, Mr Kabir's previous work, which I only watch on cds).

If I am not mistaken, the production team is similar to Cinta. Back in screenplay, is Mr Kabir's wife, Nik Samira Nik Yusoff and ARA (Abdul Rahman Ahmad), & Madnor Kassim handling the camerawork.

Cinta, for me, is a good movie, but its weaknesses (not-so-flowing-storyline, uneven quality of acting, some implausible plot keys) manage to drag down its considerable strengths (stellar performance by Rahim Razali, Fatimah Abu Bakar, Nanu Baharuddin, Rashidi Ishak; excellent soundwork & camerawork), so that the end result is only good, but not excellent.

I am happy to say that Mr Kabir has improved by leaps and bounds in Sepi. The storyline as a whole, is tight, with less plot holes & occasional leaps of logic this time around. For the most part, the flow of the story is smooth, unlike Cinta, which does has some cringe-moments. (snatch-thief scene for e.g.) The dialogue is not wooden, and the cast, from the main characters right down to the supporting cast (which include the likes of Louisa Chong & Dian P Ramlee) perform their roles admirably. At the very least, they act adequately.

If the cinematography in Cinta was excellent, then the camerawork here will blow you away. The shots are very beautiful, and I sense a Malaysian aura permeates the whole movie. For once, I am proud of the way that the Malaysian way of life is portrayed by the movie. The wedding scene at kampung, the back alleys of low-cost houses, the KL cityscape from a glass window, the kitchen romantic scene between Afdlin & Vanida, the jogging tracks at the park... some scenes dont even have dialogues..because such is the strength of the camera shots...that the message is already conveyed to the audience..kudos to Kabir & Madnor.

The sound department dont disappoint either. They provide a nice complement to the story, & sometimes sets the mood for the scenes. Evocative, stirring, the movie will lost most of its charm & drive if not for the music. The use of Malay songs is also heartening, which shows that you dont have to rely on foreign songs, esp Westerns, to give an emotional impetus.

Sepi paints three story arcs, which progresses independently throughout most of the movie, but they do meet at a certain pivotal point, i.e. a car accident. 2 of the stories lead up to the accident, while one story starts from the accident. After the accident, the stories continues on their separate ways. Each of the story involves a love triangle (sort of), with one character being the focus of attention.

The first story revolves around Adam (Afdlin Shauki), a 30+ successful chef working in Kuala Lumpur (KL), who are unmarried and still single. His far relative, Suzie (Nasha Aziz), which is a bit eccentric & crazy, has always chased after Adam since childhood, but he didnt reciprocate that feelings. One day, he has a chance meeting with Ilyana (Vanida Imran), a wedding planner. Could she be the one that he has longed for so long?

To me, this story arc belongs to Afdlin. His acting is the best in the movie. He can portray humour and sadness in the same sentence. You can really feel his frustations, his sadness of being lonely. Vanida & Nasha's actings are good too, but dont leave an impression. Vanida's character seems a bit aloof sometimes, but there's no denying that she has a good chemistry with Afdlin. Their scenes together, pulls at the heartstrings...elicits feelings of longings.. Some reviewers praised Nasha's acting. To be fair, I am not adept in assessing eccentric characters (like Johnny Depp's characters), but she's a joy to watch.

The second story concerns about Sufi (Tony Eusoff), who lost his wife in the car accident. He blames himself for his wife's death, & for not expressing his love to his wife, and taking her for granted. Wrecked by guilt, he jogs daily to forget the pain, and he neglected his son. But a chance encounter with a mysterious lady,Marya (Eja) at the park, gives him hope again, and made him care about his son. Will Sufi ever find a second love?

If compared to Adam's storyline, Sufi's story is morally challenging, esp in a Malaysian context. The issues thrown about includes, whether you should be faithful to your spouse, if you really think you are meant for another. Marya is sad, because her marriage to Zain (Riezman Khuzaimi) is childless. Sufi make some overtures to Marya, but Marya still loves her husband. They decided eventually, that they will wait. For the time when they can be together.

For me, this story has the most leaps of logic, and some jarring or cringe-moments. Initially, I was taken in by Sufi, sympathizing in his plight, but midway through the story, I was a bit disgusted by Sufi's actions, which includes trying to pry another man's wife. However, the story redeems itself in the later parts of the story, which casts Sufi as a selfless man, and maybe, tragic. Acting-wise, Tony's performance is adequate, but not stellar. He doesnt portray the part of a widower quite well. Riezman's acting is adequate. He lacks screen time for me to make a connection. Eja could have the best acting in this story, but her scenes doesnt flesh her out too much. If only there were more of her.

The final story, centers around Imaan (Baizura Kahar) a college student, who writes a play named Sepi. She has a steady boyfriend, Khalif (Pierre Andre), who is an introvert. A "casanova", Ian (Syed Hussein), irks Imaan when he belittled her play. Trying to make up for it, Ian woos Imaan to teach him how to act, so that he can play the main act of reciting the poem in her play, titled Sepi. Ian finds himself smitten to her. Imaan slowly find herself falling slowly head over heels for Ian, who is sincere in his feelings toward her. Needless to say, Khalif is not amused.....

At first, the story doesnt seem engaging. The storyline is OK, but it seems to me like on of those run-of-the-mill stories of college puppy loves. The acting is top-notch however. Eventhough to me, Afdlin is the best actor in this movie, but Vanida's character is a bit serious. Baizura & Syed's characters on the other hand, has more playful banters and sweet exchanges between them. Baizura's acting has always been a charm, esp after seeing her for about 4 minutes in Cinta. She can portray child-like charm, sweetness, and seriousness in one go. Syed is also another good actor. He seems to be made for his role, a playboy who renounces his ways when he meets Imaan and is sincere in his love. You can sense that he's a playboy once, but has turned over a new leaf, and is really fighting hard to win Imaan's love. Pierre Andre, on the other hand, returns as another morose and introvert character, like his character in Cinta, Taufik. I guess his acting is adequate, because it is difficult for me to gauge his character, which is one-dimensional.

What makes the third story really ticks, is the last third of the story. What has been hitherto unremarkable storyline, changes into a shocking conclusion. (SPOILER ALERT: spoilers in red)

It is revealed that the reason Khalif was morose and introvert all the time is because he is already dead. He was only the imaginations of Imaan in the movie, who refused to accept the fact that he has died in a mugging. Suddenly, all the weird things in Imaan's storyline is explained, such as why a fellow passenger in the train was gazing pityingly at Imaan when she was "talking" with Khalif, and why Ian also puts on a sad face when Imaan remarked "My boyfriend is waiting to pick me up."
Khalif was being morose, because he wishes for Imaan to let him go, so that she can have a new life. When the truth is revealed, the revelation feels a lot like The Sixth Sense. You also feel sorry for Imaan, because she turns out to be the loneliest character in Sepi.

Sepi ultimately has a simple story to tell, which is encapsulated in its nebulous tagline...."Cinta tak datang hanya sekali."
I went to see it with the impression that it will be a sad movie thru and thru (with a title like that, surely the main theme will be "loneliness" to the hilt, rite?).

But it was not so.

The movie IS about loneliness, but it is foistered with a message of hope.
In Adam's story, it is about not giving up, always believing that the person who is meant for you is just around the corner, waiting for you.
In Sufi's case, it is about patience to wait for the right time to be together, undying love, and sincerity for the well-being of the person you care for, even if your love is not returned.
And in Imaan's case, it is about letting go of the past, and living for the present, and finding love again.
And the conclusion of all three stories is good. It might not be all happy endings, for some people, but it is the best way to end things, if the stories is taken to consideration.

But even a simple story, with good execution, good acting all around, stellar cinematography, and nice sounds, will translate into an excellent movie. And Sepi is one. A romantic movie which can make me cry many times during its length is a good one in my book. The best Malaysian movie in years, P Ramlee ones not withstanding.

And when the credits roll, with the outstanding Anuar Zain belting out Mungkin, IMO was the best way to end it all.

All is not lost for the Malaysian film industry.

See Sepi if you has its CDs.

You wont regret it.

Wassalam.

Drive to succeed...

2008-08-18T06:39:00.003+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good morning,

The new semester has just started, which practically means that I have only less than 6 months before entering the hospitals. Gosh! Time really flies. Having enough knowledge about the workings of the human body now is wishful thinking!

My nature has always been governed by my current will & strength of conviction. That's why I have moments of youthful energy & exuberance (akin to the Renaissance) , and then it flips to downright shocking periods of extreme laziness. (the Great Depression?hehe)

Now, the key for me to become a beneficial & achieving person, is to harness the energy of exuberance when it appears, & try to prevent myself from flipping to the Dark Side again.

Ramadhan's peeking around the corner. O Allah, please let that be an impetus for me to really change for the better.

And hopefully the change is permanent this time around.

Wassalam.

Tagged by dear Phaik Hsia

2008-06-04T06:40:00.006+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day..

Taking a cue from Kepam, who am I not to say yes to Phaik Hsia, one of the dearest human to ever walk on Earth..? (^^)

Well, here goes...

tagged by Phaik Hsia!

So,here goes:

TAG #1
The rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.

Eight random facts about myself

1. I like cute animals, cute here is subjective to my interpretation (^^), e.g. cats, rabbits, hamsters, Wisterian white mice, etc.

2. I like to memorize trivial things and oddities, such as movie lines that piques my interest, e.g. Batman Begins' : Why do we fall sir? We fall so that we may rise again. or Iron-Man's: Proof that Tony Stark still has a heart. or Lion King's: Gee, he looks blue. I say brownish-gold. No, no, I mean he's depressed. O. So, what's eating you, kid? Nothing, he's AT THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN! THE FOOD CHAIN!! (laughs weakly) The memorization is not an active effort, it is subconsciously done. ( I wish I can do the same thing about my studies though )

3. Never had a girl friend. ( but lots of great woman friends, of which I am grateful for their friendship )

4. I have a phobia of creepy-crawlies (insects, arachnoids, etc) especially big ones.. and a mortal fear of heights.

5. All time favourite actors include: Tom Hanks, Robin Williams, Jack Nicholson, Anthony Hopkins
If actresseses include: Meg Ryan, Sandra Bullock, Meryl Streep, Resse Witherspoon

6. I don't have a well-defined or set personality. My personality is influenced by mood and my state of faith.

7. Like musics which soothe my head, and having a message is a plus. Again, 'soothing' here is subjective. Favourite songs include Sebelum Terlena-Hijjaz, Reflection-Christina Aguilera, Lelaki Ini -Anuar Zain, Manusia Bodoh-ADA Band, etc.

8. I like to eat. And I am partial to most foods, with only a few real dislikes, e.g petai.

TAG #2
Instructions:
Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question to make it a total of 20 questions.

1. What do you want the most now?
To be a pious Muslim (bertaqwa), and a human being which benefits others.

2. If you can have one more dream come true, what would it be? choose one: cure the environment from global warming and pollution, a cure for cancer, end wars and violence..
End wars and violence. Humans should not be killing each other. It is a sad situation.

3. What are you afraid to lose now?
My faith to Allah.

4. Do you believe in being in love forever?
Yes.

5. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
Yes, when the timing is right.

6. What would you do when you're feeling down and depressed?
Pray, take a walk, talk to friends. listen to music...

7. Which type of person do you hate the most?
Hypocrites.

8. Do you cherish every single of your friendships?
Each and everyone. Every human has positive sides, we just have to look for them.

9. Do you believe in God?
Yes.

10. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
My loved ones.

11. Do you find it necessary for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Not necessary. I don't think I am ready for a relationship anyway. I still have many weaknesseses that need to be addressed and improved upon. When the time is right...

12. What do you want your friends to be like?
To be themselves. To love and accept who they are.

13. What kind of friend do you hope to be in your friends' eyes?
A kind, considerate. loving friend.

14. If you can have a change, which part of your character would you like to change?
To always love myself, and seek to improve on my negatives, and strengthening my positives.

15. Would you die in order to save the ones you love?
Yes.

16. What would you do if you've lost everything in one shot?
Accept is as God's decree, and believe whole-heartedly, that there is a silver lining in it. God (Allah) knows best.

17. What would u do if your 'friends' are not really your friends anymore?
Life goes on...

18. What do you see yourself as in the next 5 years?
A tired, overworked junior doctor. But content and fulfilled. Might be a doting uncle. Filial son.

19. When do u think is the best time for you to set up a family?
The best time is relative. Set up a family whenever you feel that you are ready, in terms of maturity and financial.

20. My question: What are your most poignant/memorable childhood memories?
The 8 random people I want to tag:
1. Zaid Hakim
2. Gunaseelan
3. Re-an
4. Kak Fied
5. Njo Njo
6. Ravi
7. Shen Yew
8. Sujen

Bipolar disorder

2008-05-15T15:09:00.004+07:00

"Bipolar disorder is not a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood, clinically referred to as mania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present. These episodes are normally separated by periods of normal mood, but in some patients, depression and mania may rapidly alternate, known as rapid cycling."

(From Wikipedia)

I may have discovered my problem. All these years, flip-flopping between personalities which are polar opposites, these might be the condition.

I have bipolar disorder.

The Man Inside His Dreams

2008-04-23T14:35:00.005+07:00

He lay slumped against the wall. His demeanour, sluggish. His eyes, listless. His face, solemn. His heart, heavy. Slowly he felt that the hands of Morpheus are taking him..into the dream world....

"Wake up!" An urgent voice. A bit ironic, he thought. Wasn't he sleeping just now? Waking up inside your own dream? Absurd...

He opened his eyes. Beside him stood a man, not a day older nor younger than he. But that man was very thin, emaciated, has the aura of an incarcerated person, not unlike Monte Cristo (from Dumas' work). For now, let us call this strange person in his dreams, as the Man.

"Who are you?" cliched it may be, that was the only question that springs to mind. "I am a friend. You have known me since ages past." said the Man, with a smile. "Come, share with me your miseries, your problems. Unburden yourself." continued the Man.

He felt strange. As if with this Man, he can say anything. Anything that has been troubling him. "I am always haunted by my sins. I am a perpetual sinner. I hate myself because I always wear masks in my life. My family and friends, they see the other side of me all the time. My true character is not readily apparent to them. Secretly, I am rotten inside. I have done many things that I am not proud of. Things that my family & friends will never associate with me. They will be shocked if they ever found out my true self." A bit expository, perhaps, but maybe because he didn't say them out loud to anyone.

The Man said: "So, do you want to change, to become a better person? A kinder person?" He answered: "I really wanted to." "What is holding you back then, from taking the first step to redemption?" "My sins have ingrained themselves, inside me. They have become an integral part of my psyche. Many times that I have tried to subdue this dark side of me, to put it on a leash. Maybe I will succeed to suppress this dark side for a moment, but only for a moment. Then I will be consumed by the darkness again. As if I had never have any control over it." His eyes are baleful, sad. "I am just tired. I have been fighting this darkness for more than a decade, & I didn't seem to be winning this battle for my psyche. It's a losing streak."

"Maybe, you are not sincere in your motives. To the question, why are you embarking on this journey to change yourself?, what will be your answer?" The Man throws a suggestion. "Is it because of God? Or because you only want to please other humans? What if you are the last man alive? What will it be then?"

He pondered this suggestion. The Man continued, "And remember, my friend. Your predicament is not unique to you. If you have the power to peek into people's minds, then you will find that everybody is struggling to be good. Life is a constant struggle. To be good, that requires a lot of sacrifice. The way I see it, you are actually running away from your problems, right? Let us be honest for a second. You have never tried hard enough to conquer you dark side. It has always been your habit, of running away from your problems. My friend, stop running. Running away will never solve anything. If you try to run away & forget, the problems are still there. God decreed us to have problems, so that we may grow & become a better person, should we are able to solve them. Remember, you are not alone. And should you stumble along the way, should you veer down that dark path again, just get up & walk again in this road of life. Humans are not perfect beings. We are not perfect beings. Stop being hard on yourself. Stop wallowing in self-pity. You will never grow up this way. That's another one of your worries, right? You feel envious that your friends are able to face life's struggles head on, emerging more mature & more strong after the encounter, whereas you are still stuck in a rut. Your mind is still stuck in a stasis, for more than a decade. Be strong, take the bull by its horns. Tanpa keberanian, mimpi tidak akan bermakna. " The Man said.

"I will try, no I must do it. I will be brave. I will not run anymore. May God guide me in my struggle." He said.

The Man smiled. "I am glad to hear that conviction. Me being able to talk here to you, is proof that you are heading on the right path now. May you be strong, & may God guide you always."

The Man stood up to leave.

"Wait, you haven't told me your name!" he said.

"I am your Conscience..finally freed from the shackles of Lust."

"Remember God always...& you will never be led astray."

He woke up. And his heart is heavy no more.

Thoughts in the dead of the night...

2008-04-14T23:09:00.004+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good nite,

Usually I set a topic to blog about in each posting, but tonite I want to do a little experiment. I just want to set my mind free & see what comes tumbling out of it, trying to do uninhibited posting.

Sometimes I think I am so selfish. I only think that I am the only person with problems in this world, that other people can handle their own problems, but not me. It never occured to me that each & every one of us might be tested by God, in their own way. Simply put, everyone has their own problems to face. Everyone has their own demons that need to be exorcised.

So, maybe I should not be too negative hehe. I think that my previous posts are so full of negative thinking. & only about myself. I rarely talk about other people...or the world. It is always about me. me. me. Never about other than "me".

So much is happening in the world right now. Back at home, Malaysian politics has never been more fragile. So many uncertainties. So many denials. So many hateful, spiteful feelings. So many people who only care about their own interests, their own pots, their own importances.

Globally, there are so MANY conflicts. People kill each other day by day. Humans are such sad creatures. They have brains & reasoning, yet they still kill each other. They alienate each other. They hate each other. They ostracize each other. They hurt each other. The strong oppress the weak. Only because of difference in race, religion, culture, nationality.
Even Meowth from Pokemon has more sense.

"Why should we hurt each other? We all live under the same sky, breathe the same air. If only we realize that we have so many things in common, & not focusing on the few things that we differ in, well, who knows (what might happen)?"

Yes folks, we might be different, you & me, but fundamentally, we are all the same. We all want to be happy. We all want to be loved. We all want to have friends. We eat. We breathe. We die. So, what's all this fuss about you are Chinese, she's a Muslim, & he's a Russian? That's why there are countless conflicts in this world. Iraq, Afghanistan, Sudan, Thailand, Phillipines, the list goes on.

World economy is showing signs that it may be on the verge of collapsing, at least a few weeks back. Rice distribution has decreased in some countries, some of the usual rice exporters has suspended their rice export. China is under fire about the perceived mishandling of the Tibetans, what with the Olympics is around the corner, this is certainly the last thing that the government of China wanted to happen. But there are some views that say that there might be biased reporting about this against China. Since some of the mainstream media are owned by governments & business entities which might have a vested interest in seeing China having bad press, so they might play this thing up. It is said that the riot in Lhasa, Tibet, might have been instigated or started by the Tibetans themeselves, & while there are Tibetans who, sadly, died, cases of Tibetans who hurt or kill Chinese citizens in Tibet might go unreported.

Well, everything is not rosy in the world right now it seems.

Haha the irony. Just realized that I have broken my promise in the same posting. This posting is turning out to be a post full of negativities too. Sorry.

As for the Sabine Chronicles, I have bits of idea here & there, but haven't had the time to write it & to arrange the plot. Dear, dear me.

This post is too long, it seems. So, nitey nites.

Wassalam...

Downward curve mode...

2008-04-04T18:37:00.000+07:00

Hi everyone!

I am very happy that there are some positive responses to my mini-project here, The Sabine Chronicles..especially the latest installment. It was just a brainwave on a Saturday morning, and frankly, after reading it myself, I surmise that there are lots of room for improvement. But I am happy that you guys like it. Just wait for Sabine's (and her master's) next footprints!

My life has always been a roller-coaster ride since 15 years ago. Sometimes, my manners will be good, life is a bed of roses, I am very optimistic. But turn the next corner, round the next bend, then my life will go downhill. I will be full of negative aspects. Lazy, irresponsible to myself, God, family, friends; doesn't take good care of myself, indifferent, not being nice to people, life is a bed of thorns, etc. etc.

Which is my current mode now. What I will call the Evil mode. The Destructive mode. The Damnation mode. The Downward Spiral.
Which is a shame. Just a few weeks back, I was polar opposite. I was in a Good mode. The Enlightened mode. The Beneficient mode. The Upward Curve. What Mr Hirata will say, "Ekstrapolasi kurva yang menanjak..."

So I am waiting for the surge again. The spirit inside me. The drive to be good. The flames of faith to be re-ignited. May Allah still smiles upon this unworthy soul.

"Hidayah is a visitor that we must cherish, lest She goes away again"

Wassalam.

The Sabine Chronicles 2: Not taking his own medicine...

2008-03-29T10:19:00.002+07:00

Previous part of the story...Lonely broken heart

"Love is a complex thing, isn't it?" asked Fauzan. "You hit the nail there, my friend.." Adnan agreed.

These two friends are sharing a cup of tea in downtown Ampang. A small terrace house..small but nice and neat. Adnan's house.

"Sometimes I can't figure out what are the women are thinking about! They befuddled me!" Fauzan's air of exasperation is palpable. "Sigmund Freud also said as much. Years of analyzing the female psyche, the poor thinker still can't crack the women mind. But to be fair to the womenfolk, we are also an enigma to them." Adnan rambled on.

Fauzan grinned. "I guess you are right. I mean, really, Manihah is a dear, but sometimes, I just can't understand her behaviour, her feelings. I wanted to understand her so badly, but it's like there is a wall or something!" Adnan smiled in return. "You are in a male's familiar territory. Just relax." A pregnant pause. "So have you told her yet? You guys have been going out for months now, but you never really told your feelings about her.."

Fauzan heaved a sigh. "I wanted to, but part of me is holding back. I am afraid that she will reject me, or that I am not good enough for her. I mean, maybe the reason she agreed to hang out with me is because I am good as a colleague, but not good enough to be with in a long-term relationship."

Adnan reflected a bit, & countered, "Well, being rejected is part & parcel of one's love life. My friend, see it this way. If you don't be honest with Manihah about your feelings, then she will never know it. Your relationship will never go anywhere. It just ends there, period. You must be willing to take the plunge. Especially in our culture, the man is supposed to make the move, not the girl. & even if she's not interested in you,take that as a learning experience. Improve you strengths, suppress your weakness. There is somebody out there, for everyone. It is Allah's promise. And His promise is always true."

Fauzan pondered, then, "Yes, maybe you are right. But still, it will not be easy. The confessing part, I mean."
Adnan said, "Yes, it is hard. But just relax." Then he hummed a tune, "If things go right we're meant to be.."

"Haha. What is it this time? Which song is that?" Fauzan is curious. "Norwegian guy. Sondre Lerche. Song name is Modern Nature. The message is about letting a relationship runs it course, not restricted by too much plans, & accepting whatever the outcome: be it separate ways, or together forever." Adnan explained.

"Ok then, I think I have to go. Graveyard shift today. & Dr Leo is not fond of stragglers." Fauzan rose. "Yeah, nice chat we had this evening. Tomorrow I have to check on Mrs Lim. Hope her leg is better now." Adnan is leading Fauzan to the door.

"All in a day's work, eh? I see you when I see you." Fauzan is starting the Waja. "Ok. & Fauzan." pregnant pause. "Remember, love is not just feelings. It is also an ability. Tell Manihah about your feelings, ok? Best of luck!" Fauzan laughs. "& that line would be from...?" Adnan answered, "Dan In Real Life. Steve Carell. Old movie."

"Alright mate. see ya. salam." Fauzan waved. & he's gone. Adnan waved to the distance, then went back inside.

Something white & fluffy darted across the patio. "Sabine, where have you been?" Adnan scratched his cat's chin playfully. But Sabine still has her eyes fixed on her master. Accusatory eyes. Adnan said, "So, you think that I didn't walk the talk, eh? I am only able to fix other people's love lives, but my own. Kinda like Hitch." Adnan smiled. Sabine nodded.

Adnan carried Sabine up his lap, & rested on the couch. Flashes of past events in his life passes thru his mind. Then, one face sprung up. A lovely face, pretty, & always fill his heart with warmth. "That was a long time ago. She is probably married now." He opened his eyes. Sabine's lamp-like eyes are staring back.

Minutes passed by. "You know what, Sabine? Maybe I will be taking my own medicine from now on. I'll give it a try." Adnan rose up. "After all, love is also an ability, isn't it?"

Sabine yawned.

"Where is she now, I wonder?". Adnan smiled.

continued in It was a cold night...

Not enough time...

2008-03-22T08:13:00.004+07:00

Assalamualaikum, good day...

I have shied away from blogging for a while these past few weeks. IMO, there's three axis that is crucial for all bloggers...namely, ideas, mood, & time. Let's just say that I am fairly brimming with the former two, but alas..time is not my ally these days.

I have to clear up many deadwoods over the past fortnight, not to mention exams & organizational work, that even if I am currently in a four-days holiday streak, I am still not finished with my responsibilities. But Alhamdulillah, some of the things that I have been meaning to do for days / weeks are finished. (mopping & dusting the room, etc). But it's not all work folks haha. Still managed to enjoy the break a bit, what with some of my friends are March babes! ( happy birthdays to Nadiah, Swarna, Aida, Dayah, & Phaik Hsia!) & there's a slew of birthday bashes!

Simply put, when I have time constraints..blogging have to be put in the back burner, coz I am such a slow typer...take me ages to type a paragraph, hehe. My dream was to blog vignette-style (short & concise), but it seems that I cannot adapt to that style...at least not yet.

Oh yes, the reason why suddenly I am drowning in a lot of work..is because some of this work or responsibilities are actually things that I should have finished months or weeks ago (organization reports, house cleaning, studies)...but because of my laziness & foot-shuffling, they have accumulated to a great extent, that I just can't gloss over them any longer hehe. & Alhamdulillah, in these past recent days, I am getting a bit hardworking, so I am tackling my mounting workload, bit by bit, one at a time, slowly but surely. Hopefully I will be able to finish them all haha. & hopefully I will not be afflicted by laziness again. :) So the lesson, peeps, never procrastinate! Get the job done! haha.

As the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:
"The two blessings that are usually forgotten by mankind: good health & free time."

Till next time...got to wash the bathroom this afternoon....Insya Allah...
Toodles! wassalam.....

For the next 5 years...

2008-03-08T13:53:00.002+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day...

Today Malaysians go to the polls...to choose the State & Federal governments for the next 5 years (or less)...

As has been the norm in Malaysian polls in recent years, the spectre of cheating in the polls loom over the horizon. Vote-rigging, phantom voters, vote-buying, etc. are just a number of possible ways to cheat, especially for the ruling Barisan Nasional (BN). It is really sad that the BN has to resort to this dirty & underhanded tactics to preserve their power base. At the eleventh hour, the Election Committee decide to shelve the plan of using the voting inks (special inks which stay on your skin for a few days, applied when you have voted, so that you can't double vote). .

& any sane Malaysian, regardless of political alignments, can see that the mainstream media in Malaysia is totally controlled by the BN government. They lavish praises & showed the ruling government in positive light, while highlighting only the negative aspects of the Opposition. Do I hear responsible reporting? Sadly, apparently not. & I roll my eyes when I see in the news that the BN politicians are whining that the Malaysian blog community in general is Pro-Opposition, & labelling the Opposition as cowards when they express their views in blogs. If the BN has been fair in giving ample media coverage to the Opposition, the Opposition wouldn't have resorted to underground methods in the first place. Well, if the Opposition are "cowards", well what can we call the BN politicians then, hiding behind the lopsided media coverage? Maybe "wussies". :)

I have a moderate inclination in politics, but I just can't stand people who fight dirty. Let the people vote accordingly. There's no need to tamper with the results. & equal amount of airtime for everyone please!

May justice prevails...& may the politicians who have the peoples' interest in their hearts win (regardless from BN or opposition)...

Counting your blessings...(bersyukur)

2008-02-27T14:55:00.004+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day,

Lately, I've been catching myself doing a lot of complaints & grumblings...like..."medical life is hard"..."I am officially broke"..."I am not good-looking enough"....

While at the same time forgetting that I am truly blessed, it's just I doesn't realise it...because you see..it's so easy to complete the above sentences with...

medical life is hard...but at least I am given the opportunity to learn & have an education..
I am officially broke...but at least I still have enough money to eat square meals every day...
I am not good-looking enough...but at least I am in good health & dont have any disabilities...

Aren't we all like that sometimes? We think that Allah/God is being unfair.....that life is being unfair to us...

But take a break & count your blessings..sometimes it is so important yet we dont realize it, we tend to overlook it..

for example..how can you read these writings? Because you have eyes that gives us the lovely gift of sight...which begs the question: how many of us has been grateful to God for our eyes?

& that's just one example of overlooked blessings...there are many more blessings that we never take the time to appreciate...our friends..our health.. our healthy psyche..

& yet we always seemed to want more...we are always jealous of other people's lives...but maybe we should remember too..that the grass always seemed to be greener on the other side...

It is stated in the Koran, chapter Ibrahim, verse 34:

"And He giveth you of all that ye ask for. But if ye count the favours of Allah, never will ye be able to number them. Verily, man is given up to injustice and ingratitude."

True, right? If we are to sit down & try to count our blessings..we will never be able to count them. God has given us so much, yet we are being ungrateful & asked for more.

So, my friends, the next time you are feeling down in the dumps, feeling that God has given you a hard deal, or anything is giving you a hard time...remember to count your blessings..& smile...& your life will not seem so bad, in fact, not bad at all....

On turning 23...

2008-02-26T17:16:00.002+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good morning,

So I am finally 23 years of age. Alhamdulillah, through Allah's grace I managed to stay alive up to this point. I am really glad.

Hopefully, this will finally be the year I made good on my unfulfilled promises of yester-years, & I will be able to achieve my dreams, & I can be the man that I always hoped to be..
( I seem to be using these words often, didn't I? :) )

Insya-Allah, with His mercy & guidance...I will change myself for the better...& be on the right path..all the way...

Political upheavals...

2008-02-22T10:40:00.002+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day,

It seems that thru out the world, politics in many countries are undergoing changes.

*My own country Malaysia is holding her latest general elections come this March 8.

*Kosovo has break away from Serbia and have declared their independence.

I hope that the new leaders who will be elected will do their job well, serve the people, and not just concerned with their own honeypots.

But sadly, that's the norm these days. Politicians are giving politics a bad name due to their antics. Involved in corruption, implicated in sexual cases, hoarding money from trust funds, saying stupid things or unbecoming things in the public, displaying total lack of knowledge & disregard to sensitivities...

It's so hard to find a decent politician these days. The ones who genuinely care for the well-being of the people under their care, the ones who are willing to go the extra mile in helping his subjects...

Well, well, look who's rambling. I also must repair my faults first haha. All the best for the election nominees in Malaysia. May the best (caring) politician wins...

p/s: I havent' registered to be a voter....I am already 23...why oh why I haven't had the common sense...

Why am I blogging again...?

2008-02-18T14:21:00.004+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day,

Don't know what drives me to do it, but today I went blog-hopping. Haha, dunno whether such a term exist, but what yours truly is referring to is, I went thru some established blogs in the world of blogging to learn some pointers or too. Well, let's just say it's an Eye-opener.
I realized that I still have lots to learn in this art of blogging.

I like some of the experienced bloggers ways of presenting their ideas..easy to digest..funny..colourful without being garish..factual without being preachy..haha

& I looked at my previous posts..& urgghhh...makes me want to throw up!..haha..not all of the posts anyway...but seriously...haneef, go figure!

Well I guess it takes time & effort..I guess..to be really good in blogging..haha time & effort..2 things that I am notoriously always have in short order..

Oh well, maybe I should examine why I want to blog again...
*I want to sharpen my literary wit (English esp)...since sages always say that we must improve
our strengths right?
& sadly my only identifiable strength in this world, is my *passable* command of English.
*To meet other people, from which I can learn new things..so that we can all be better persons.
*To blow off some steam...so that I will not sunk into depression
*To teach myself the art of communicating your ideas to the people, to the masses..

There! I think that's about it...haha..lofty ideals...the problem with being me is...I always make plans, but never acted upon them...

As John Lennon said,

The world is what happens to us, when we are busy making plans.

Oh, btw, I tried to test my blog on one of those readability test for a 2nd time, (the 1st time around I get junior high school), & guess what I got this time around!? an elementary school status!

My days are complete...

As-Shahid Imam Hassan Al-Banna..Anniversary of death

2008-02-18T11:13:00.003+07:00

Assalamualaikum,

Just want to share a posting by my friend Ustok, about a Muslim individual, whose works should never be forgotten...Imam Hassan Al-Banna.

Here is the link.

Updated: A kind Indonesian couple, who currently resides in Kuwait, shared with us here an Indonesian translation of a letter written by Imam Hassan Al Banna's father, in conjunction with Imam Hassan's martyrdom, here.

Thank you. May Allah bless u.

Thx for the Feb Party guys..

2008-02-18T10:46:00.004+07:00

Last night, some of my batchmates band together to celebrate friends whose birthday falls in February, at the local Pizza Hut. I am also a member of this happy little group.

Happy birthdays..to Aisyah KG. Shah KG, Ida, Nani, & Azra..may God bless u all.

Thx to my friends who have organized the event: Nadiah, Pong, Toy, Kuden, & others that I may forgot to mention..

Thx for all friends who managed to attend..& for friends who are unable to come..thx for the heartfelt wishes...

Thx for the presents too...will cherish it always..

If there's only one regret...I hoped that I was the one who won the musical chair haha...but I wasn't a competitive person anyway...

Thx guys...

What is your brain gender...?

2008-02-18T08:59:00.007+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day...

I have always wanted to post this...just haven't had the idea how best to put it..

Last year I watched this documentary titled "Brain Sex" (part of the BBC series: Secret of the Sexes), its main idea is about that although humans can be males or females, our brain might be the opposite 'gender'. That means that you might be a guy with a 'female' brain.

The theory goes that in the 10th week of gestation, each fetus will be exposed to a testosterone surge (I forgot whether it's from the mother or the fetus). The amount of testosterone to which the fetus is exposed will determine the gender of the brain, i.e. the more testosterone amount you are exposed to, the more 'male' your brain will be, & vice versa. This means that if a human's brain is put on a straight line, one end would be 100% female brain, going along the line to 1% female brain. & the midpoint will be 0%, meaning that you have a 'neutral' brain. Then the line will arrive at 1% of male brain, going further down the line, with the other end is 100% male brain.

The amount of testoterone surge theoretically influences the growth ratio of the index finger to the ring finger. The more testosterone you are exposed to, the longer your ring finger will be relative to your index finger. That's why men usually have a longer ring finger relative to their index fingers..while women usually have index fingers & ring fingers of the same length.

Apparently, your brain's gender will affect your personality & strengths. 'Male' brains tend to be good in spatial & visual ability, mechanics, while 'female' brains are better in understanding face emotions, emphatizing, & verbal ability. Usually, males will have predominantly 'male' brains, & vice versa for females.

However, sometimes a person can have a brain of the opposite gender. E.g. a female can have a 'male' brain. This explains why some women are really good engineers. In the documentary, there is a female aeronautics engineer. Based on the tests, she is predicted as having a 'male' brain. She managed to perform visual & spatial tasks on the same level as the men. & yes, her ring finger is longer than her index finger.

If you guys are interested in checking the gender of your brain, here is the BBC website for the tests. But do it when you connection is good, because it might take about 30 minutes.

What is my brain gender? I suspect that I have a female brain, (yeah, no joking!)...well, let's just say I am half correct. I have a 50% male brain.....no wonder I am single haha, I am not manly enough...

Do tell me your results ok? That is..if u are ok with that...(^^)

Past-dweller no more...

2008-02-17T17:14:00.003+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day,

I am currently reading Sang Pemimpi (The Dreamer), by Andrea Hirata..courtesy of my friend Toy (it's a short form of Tahira btw, not the way she wants to be treated)..& one of the few lines that piques my interest was..

"Ajaibnya sang waktu, masa lalu yang menyakitkan lambat laun bisa menjelma menjadi nostalgia romantik yang tak ingin dilupakan"

(So miraculous is Time, the painful past can eventually be a romantic nostalgia that we wouldn't like to forget)

Mr Andrea hits the nail here. I mean, haven't we always heard in the course of conversations..."Oh I wish I was back in the days when I was so & so..."
Some retirees want to go back working...working people wants to go back to university days..university students like me wanted to be back in their school days...adults wanted to be children...

In short, most people will occasionally resent their present situation & thinks of the past as more exciting or happy days...maybe its due to aging bodies, crumbling idealism & youthful outlook..weary of life..

& we seemed to forget that in the past, our life was also not always sweet & rosy. Life being what it is, it will never be easy. It will always pose us with challenges, problems...so that in the end...we will better persons because of them..

Haha...I don't say it's wrong to reminisce with a wistful sigh, but dwelling in the past will not do anyone any good.
You must live in the present, the past as lessons, the future as dreams that you want to achieve.

I am posting this because I realized..that all my life I have been a past-dweller, unwilling to forgive myself of my past sins..& running away from the problems at present, unwilling to face them..

We can cherish our pasts, but we must also learn to move on with life...
I hope...that I am a past-dweller no more....

These past 23 years...

2008-02-17T16:15:00.004+07:00

Beside a garden pond, sat a young man..lost in thought...
Not for the first time in life, but this was different..
His next birthday is approaching..in less than a week's time he will reach 23...

He was a bit sad..because it dawned on him that he 'might' have wasted his life...ever since he can reason...on each of his birthday he always make a pact, or promise, with himself, that
"this year, is the year that I will finally be good, that I will become the kind of person that I have always wanted to be"

He looked back, & he saw 10 broken promises..and dreams shattered..
On each birthday..he realized that along the past year...he have failed to realize his dreams.. again...

He thinks that he has been a failure..that his existence in this world is not justified..because in his eyes...he sees that everyone in this world is important...has a role to play...everyone but him..

As a son, he has failed to fulfill his parents' wishes & in repaying their kindness...as the eldest brother..he has failed to become a loving & model brother..
As a friend, he has failed to be a good friend...to be caring & considerate to others...
As a human being, he hasn't contributed anything worthwhile to the human society..

& what is worse, he thinks that he has sinned too much in God's eyes...to be given His forgiveness & His blessings...

For you see, the man harbours deep secrets...unseen crimes...to his friends he might appear kind & good...but he is not good...his friends might be shocked if they really know him..
He feels dirty & ashamed with himself because he has fooled other people with his acting "nice & good"..
He likes & identifies himself with the song Reflection by Christina Aguilera... "Why is my reflection someone I don't know...When will my reflection show who I am inside..."

Every day of his life has been a constant struggle..he always want to be good..but everytime he will be lead astray by his lust & bad habits..

But this time..on his 11th promise..he intend to fulfill it...to make good of the promise..
He wanted to become a better person & a kind person, this time for real, no more false pretences ...
& this time, he hoped that God will smile for him, help him in loosening the Devil's hold on his poor self..& forgive him for his mountainous past transgressions...his past mistakes...

Maybe he is feeling that this year the winds of change are upon him..

& to the God above he recite this solemn prayer, with the pond as his witness:

O Allah,
Please help me:
in finding the right path..leading away from this darkness in my heart
in being a good servant to you, a good son, a good brother, a good friend, a good human
in loving myself & being grateful for what you have given me
in realizing my true potential..in improving on my strengths & minimizing my weaknesses

He gets up & walked home, smiling...for he believed & truly hoped that..there won't be anymore broken promises...& the eleventh time is the charm...

Health & Free Time

2008-02-09T21:49:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day...

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon Him) once said:
"Two of the blessings that are most always forgotten by Man: Health & Free time."

Last week I got really sick..it's been a while since I last fell sick..& when God gave it to me...He gave it quite bad hehe...

Well, the fault's mine anyway...wasn't eating right, so my stomach was filled with air...& I wasn't sleeping enough...next time I know...I woke up the next day feeling very nauseous...& vomit about 3 times that day. I think I haven't vomitted that much for 4 years now. Later in the day I developed diarrhea & slight fever. The diarrhea took me 3 days to clear out.

During my sickness, I truly appreciate being healthy all this while. I was unable to eat, unable to move freely, feeling dizzy, chilly, & what nots.
For 4 days my productivity dropped. So after I get better, I have to finish all my work in reduced time...& at that time I really appreciate my free time...& wish I hadn't wasted them...

Thank you God for reminding me of the importance of health & free time..... (^^)

& thx to my friends who helped me & wished me well through my sickness. There could never be better friends.

The Sabine Chronicles 1: Lonely, broken heart...

2008-01-30T22:33:00.002+07:00

"It's happening again...!"...the young man muttered.
He was referring to that pain in his chest. Somewhere over the heart region, to be precise.
"Guess it's true what they say about heartbreak, eh? Heartbreaks do exist"... he mused again.

What was the trigger to that pain now worming through his chest?.....

He just saw a loving couple holding hands. & this is not, by all means, the only possible trigger, no, heavens no!
Whenever he sees a family, especially parents with young kids; or any couple who looks happy with each other, or watch (or read) any love stories, heck..any signs of affection...
he will feel that pain...it's like someone stabbing a knife, lightly, to his chest...just above the stomach...& that dull, aching pain runs it course to his heart...ending with a thud..

Don't judge him wrong. He's not anti-social. Far from it. He likes humans. Has many friends.
He's happy for all the loving couples, loving families of this world.
He cheered when Sally Albright finally made it up with Harry Burns, cried tears of joy when Joe Fox kisses Kathleen Kelly at the Riverside Park, and clapped when Lucy Moderatz married Jack Callaghan on the Chicago train.
He's happy seeing his friends, with their wives or husbands, or their couple, & also his friends' childrens, happy in just seeing them happy, sharing the happiness & making them his own happiness.

It's just that, seeing all these things reminded him, time & again, "Where is my own happiness?"

Because for him, there's no one to go home to.
Every time he gets back from the hospital, drives back home, opens the door, ...he repeated Michelle Pfeiffer's line from Batman Returns.."Honey, I'm home....owh, I forgot, I'm not married"...over & over, every single day...

Thank God for Sabine, who shares his apartment.

Now before you get all worked up ("there, you said he has nobody? Who's Sabine?") , bear in mind that Sabine's scientific name is Felis domesticus. "Well, it's you & me again for tonite, Sabine."....he will say, absent-mindedly patting Sabine on the head, or scratching her chin...watching re-runs of The Simpsons on cable tv.
He knows, of course, that Sabine can never truly replace human companionship. But, Sabine's all that he got on a daily basis.

He does have his family, his parents, & his sisters. But he doesnt want to trouble them too much.

His parents live within 30 minutes' drive from his place. He's a filial son. He loves his parents so much, & tried to visit them every weekend, or at least once a fortnight.
His parents also love him dearly, but whenever his back is turned, his mother would gaze sadly at his back, sensing that her only son is really lonely & unhappy, deep down, but she choose not to say anything, so as not to hurt his pride.

& his sisters already have their own families. He adores his brother-in-laws too.Approved of them. Angah now have 3 doting angels now, Adik is expecting her 2nd child.
His nephew & nieces always greet him happily, on his occasional visit once or twice a month, asking "Uncle, Uncle! What do you bring us this time?"...and for a moment he forgot all his worries, & treat them like his own children..but then the time comes for the visit to end, & with a peck to his sisters' cheeks & "see u later Sis" & bidding goodbye to their husbands..the pain resides again in his chest, like it was meant to be there all along. & his sisters' gazes are similar to his mother's.

Time is running out for him. Did I mention that he's not the youngest of his siblings? No, in fact he's the eldest of the three.
Yes, in a Malay society, he's the Pak Long (eldest uncle), albeit a weird Pak Long, because you would expect that as a Pak Long, he would have the most kids. Not in this story, no.

His gaze is distant, as a man who is resigned to his fate.
If you see into his dark eyes, they will feel bottomless.
As if his eyes has the power to suck you into a vortex. A black hole.
The eyes of a man who is weary, who has weathered a lot of heartbreaks.
The eyes of a man with a lonely, broken heart...

How does he become like this?...a story for another time...perhaps...

continued in Not taking his own medicine

Suharto's Death: Let Bygones Be Bygones?

2008-01-30T15:31:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day,

Last Sunday, 27 January 2008, Indonesian time, Suharto died due to multiple organ failure. He was 86.

I grew up practically knowing him as the leader of Indonesia. Then, he was forced to step down during the political & economic upheaval in Indonesia...in 1998. He was president of Indonesia since 1967, so at 31 years of reign, many quarters said that his reign as a country head was the 2nd longest in the world, next only to Fidel Castro, the Cuban leader. He was the 2nd one after Sukarno.

He has been hospitalized for nearly a month..and during that period, many Indonesians are not happy that he's dying...not happy here can have 2 meanings actually.

His supporters mourn the passing of a great man, while his detractors are wondering why Suharto can escape scot-free from his crimes in this world...to the peace of death.

Suharto's reign was controversial, to say the least.

True, his reign marked a period of stability and economic growth for Indonesia, the likes of which his succesors have struggled to emulate.

But, it was also marred with myriad of problems.

The stability is achieved by using military might, & since Suharto is anti-communist & anti-Chinese, it is alleged that there are many pro-Communists & people of Chinese descent who lost their lives during his rule.

& the economic growth? It was not enjoyed by all Indonesians. A lot of them is embezzled by Suharto & his family. It is alleged that Suharto inducted a number of economic policies that enriches his family, e.g. by forcing the people to do economic transactions only through corporate entities that are manned by his family members. It is alleged that the embezzlement is worth around 35 billion USD.

So, when Suharto stepped down, he was put on trial for embezzlement charges, & human rights violation charges. But the trial never take flight. His lawyers managed to prove that by that time, Suharto was too ill, & was not fit to stand trial.

So even when he's nearing death, the victims of his rule still want justice to be served. They thought that it's not fair that he can get away with his heinous crimes.

This situation is...sensitive. As a foreigner studying in Indonesia, I have no right to be supportive of him in the public, nor to be critical of him, since I never experienced Indonesia under his rule, nor I was the victim of his policies.

So, I just voice out my opinions here. I think that in death, a person should be forgiven. Because, if all the allegations are true, then even if he can escape the judgment of humanity, he has still God to answer to for his deeds. (unless you are an atheist or an agnostic, dear reader).

I hope that Suharto will be given due punishment by God, & may his wrongdoings be absolved as a result...

Resolutions...Attainable?

2008-01-25T21:14:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day...

It's been nearly a month since 2008 arrives...& about 2 weeks since the new Islamic year of 1429...

I scribbled a list of resolutions a few weeks back...
Not all I can list down here...due to personal reasons...but some of them would be...

*Trying harder in my studies...not being a lazy-bum anymore...loving the learning process
*Be more mature & dependable
*Be more responsible with regards to my duties
*Be more confident & assertive
*Be more street-wise & have more common sense
*Cherish my family more & be a really good son & brother
*Be more cheerful to families, friend & strangers alike, & less of a wet blanket
*Be a lot kinder, & treat EVERY people with love & respect
*Not being envious of other people, & happy being me
*Be more pious & closer to Allah
*Be more upbeat & optimistic
*Be more humorous
*Be a good planner & a good executer of plans

Some of the things in the list has been there year in year out for the last decade of my life....will this year be the year that I finally can achieve them?

I hope so. It's tiring to have to carry the same old baggage year after year...ameen...

Happy (belated) New Year & Selamat (belated) Maal Hijrah evry one...

Day of Sacrifice: Eid Adha

2007-12-19T13:54:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day...

Less than a day left, until Eid Adha is celebrated in Jogja, & probably not long after that in Muslim worlds at large, & wherever there are pockets of Muslims worldwide.

For the uninitiated, Eid Adha is one of the main Islamic festivities, celebrated every Islamic year, on the 10th day of the final month of the year, Dzul Hijjah. It is celebrated to commemorate the sacrifice made by the Prophet Abraham.

Abraham was willing to kill his own son, Prophet Ishmael (Ishmael then was a young boy of about 10), when ordered so by Allah, & Ishmael also displayed true faith when he was also willing to be sacrificed.

Along the way to the sacrificial site, Satan disguised himself as humans, trying to waylaid the Prophets, trying to convince them to disobey Allah's orders. But the Prophets never waver in their faith. Nor in their conviction.

However, when Abraham's knife was already at Ishmael's neck, an angel came with a qibash. (a type of sheep). It turned out that Allah was testing Abraham's faith & piety to Allah, & Allah gave the qibash to Abraham, & ordered him to kill it in Ishmael's place.

Thus, Eid Adha is celebrated with the underlying theme of sacrifice in the name of Allah.

It is also encouraged (sunat) for Muslims to sacrifice four-legged farm animals (cow, goat, sheep, camel, etc. but not pigs, which can't be consumed by Muslims) on Eid Adha, or in the space of three days after Eid Adha, & the meat from the sacrifice is given to the poor & the needy.

Traditions hold that Islam considers Eid Adha as even bigger in terms of significance than Eid Fitr (celebration after finishing the fasting month). However, in Malaysia & perhaps Indonesia, Eid Adha is generally celebrated with less fanfare than Eid Fitr. This is a sad thing, really, as we Muslims should at least elevate Eid Adha's status to where it rightfully belongs.

Many Muslims also seemed to forget the theme of sacrifice. IMO, Eid Adha is more than just the special morning prayers, more than just sacrificing animals & giving meat to the poor (although these actions themselves are virtous). Eid Adha is about your willingness to let go of something you really cared, something you really liked, letting them go because you want to obey Allah's orders.

It is also about sacrificing certain things to achieve something, such as reducing your play time for your studies, so that you will learn more & become a better person.

It is also about your willingness to go the extra mile in whatever endeavours.

Have a Happy Eid Adha, everyone....

Wassalam....

Cloudy Days...

2007-12-18T15:10:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day...

Well, it looks like this evening in Jogja is cloudy again...the dark cloudy type...

Don't get me wrong here, hehe. I have no issues or 'a bone to pick' with dark cloudy days...it's just that I can't help but feel a bit sad & retrospective whenever they come a knockin'...rainy days are even worse ..(^^)

Funny isn't it? Most people will certainly welcome cloudy or rainy days with wide open arms, the kind of time when they can read a good book, curl by the fireplace (in temperate countries that is), spending time with loved ones, or just simply curled up in bed...in classic fetal position..& have a nice slumber...

Not me hehe (further proof that I am unusual & weird, folks)..my ideal weather would be cloudy BUT with the sun just behind the clouds (playing hide-and-seek with us mortal souls), & with some wind..that kind of weather really makes me feel good & upbeat..

When it's dark clouds..or heavy rain...I will be silent..retrospective..reminiscing..be nostalgic..be a bit sad..wistful..thinking of past regrets..

But rest assured..all are not lost for me on dark cloudy days...there are positive things that I can glean out of them...I consider days like this as my personal pause button..so that I can get out of high gear for a while..thinking whether I have treated other people with kindness...whether I have behaved badly...

Not too bad...after all...these dark, cloudy days......

Wassalam & good day...

p/s: Idul Adha is just around the corner for Muslims...(^^,)

Feeling Lost...with 7 Deadly Sins to boot!

2007-12-07T14:12:00.000+07:00

Just finished the anatomy exam for this block...alhamdulillah...
...
Don't know why I'm feeling so listless & lost, sad sometimes ;)...these couple of weeks...

And after chatting with Phaik Hsia, I also realized that I am now afflicted with 4 of the 7 Deadly Sins...I am now constantly feeling Envy-ious of other people, I eat a lot (Gluttony!), feeling so lazy most of the times (that Sloth folks!), and being so arrogant (enter Pride)..

Hopefully I can break out of these character molds soon (Ameen)...bcoz I seriously am hating the way I behave now....huhu....

Let's just hope that the remaining members of the Sins, (Wrath, Greed, Lust)..don't become permanent members of my psyche...

A Twilight Zone-kind of scenario, and scary....

Nevertheless possible...

Hopefully will never happen....

Signing off, wassalam.....

This Man...Who Will Always Love You (Anuar Zain did it again!)

2007-11-10T16:00:00.000+07:00

Lelaki Ini

Kasih, kenanganku
Ingatkah saat saat dulu
Kasih, apakah dirimu
Merasakan semua itu
Ke mana pun langkahku pergi
Ku masih melihat bayanganmu cintaku
Dan kemana pun arah anginku berlari
Hati ini masih kau miliki

Korus:
Lelaki ini yang selalu mencintamu
Selalu, tanpa ragu
Lelaki ini yang selalu memuja
Hanya dirimu
Yang bertakhta dalam sanubariku

Sanubari ku
Aku yang mencintakan mu
Hanya dirimu…

Karena cintaku, tak berbatas waktu
Karena cintaku, tak mengenal jenuh hatimu
Hatimu…

(ulang korus) 2x

Yang bertakhta dalam sanubariku...

... once again Anuar Zain (Malaysian singer for the uniniated) has done it again...for me at least..but..judging from the general response of the Malaysian public to "Lelaki Ini", I would say that he enthralled some more hearts other than mine...

Previously, my fav Anuar Zain (AZ) songs are Keabadian Cinta, Sesucinya Cintamu, & Semuanya Untukmu. It's been a while since I heard a really good song from AZ.

Don't get me wrong. His other songs are good too.
It's just that when I am listening to music, I usually appreciate the songs, rather than the singer.
If I listen to singer A, I might be attracted to some of his songs, while at the same time not really liking his other songs. Case in point, I like Maroon 5's Must Get Out, but find This Love too out of my taste.
I also tend to appreciate songs that I can relate to, songs that in my view have some meanings for me. Case in point, Christina Aguilera's Reflection.
And I don't care about languages either. If it has good music & meaning, by all means, reel me in! Case in point, L-Arc-En-Ciel's (Japanese) 4th Avenue Cafe.

Haha..sorry such lengthy exposition...now back to AZ.. & Lelaki Ini..
This song is really nice, & a bit different from his previous songs. In fact, all the songs in his new album, Anuar Zain, seems to be a departure from his previous albums. This could be due to the fact that this time around, AZ decided to rely on Indonesian songwriters and composers. Only one Malaysian composer is involved, Jenny Chin, while the other composers hail from Indonesia.
I tried to find out which one of them has a hand in making Lelaki Ini, but can't manage to find it.

What I like about this song was the message that is delivered.
To me, it sounded like this guy in question really likes the woman, & regardless of place & time, & whether the woman returns his feelings, his heart will forever be hers, & his heart will never belong to anybody else.
It's like throughout the song, the guy was trying to convince the woman of this matter, & the way AZ sings it, we can truly sense the guy's sincerity. The guy wasn't being pushy either, it seems that he will accept the fact that the woman might not love her, the guy was just voicing out his feelings, so that the woman knew how he felt. A bittersweet feeling permeates throughout the song, perhaps accompanied by melancholic feeling too.
The song ended with the guy's affirmation that she will always be the only one for him. The ending seems to be open-ended as to whether the woman will accept his undying love or not, it seems more likely she will not, yet I can't help but rooting for the guy, hoping that his love will be returned.

The message aside, the music also didn't disappoint. The use of orchestra as the background singers really add as a nice touch, and sets the right mood for the song. The use of orchesta sets a haunting mood, some might call it nostalgic too, which leads one to suspect that actually, the woman is already attracted to someone else, that the guy was just reminiscing wistfully of a love that he might have had, but can't. The way that AZ and the background singers plays off each other are superb, & shows chemistry. I also like the part of the song, where the chorus is sung by a sole female background singer, which plays off well with AZ's take of the chorus beforehand. Makes me want to know who she is!

Alas, my only beef with the song is, surprise 2x, the crescendo. When AZ sings the words, sanubariku, aku yang mencintakan mu...it sounds just a wee bit weird..as if this part of the song is not in sync with the rest of the song..but, it's not too out of place..

After hearing Lelaki Ini, I wondered for the umpteenth time, is AZ singing about himself in his songs? I do hope that he will meet his soulmate soon. At 37, time is not on his side.

Here's to u, AZ. Hope that you meet the love of your life, any time soon....:)

A Piscean who loves cats...

2007-11-10T11:55:00.000+07:00

Now, let's see if I can still do this blogging thing...after a long hiatus (inhales deeply...:) )...

If somebody ever asked me what are my favourite animals...I would definitely say cats as one of them..rabbits too..but for today..I'll talk about cats...

Once I put the title "Cat Lover" as my flash disk's name...& it was met by derision & laughter by my friend Kuden...he said it sounded like a really bad porn star name (his words) haha...yeah on hindsight..it does sound like one..

Anyway, why do I find cats interesting? maybe it's just the way they strut, so full of confidence & pride, or one might also say with a certain air of arrogance :) ...it's just that I am not that confident of myself, as cats are...detractors might say I give cats some human qualities :P ...still I hope u get what I'm trying to say...

& consider this, even the Egyptians treat their cats as family members, to be given proper burial rites just like other human family members..heck they even have a cat god, Bast
(although it leads Robin Williams to joke about it.."that's why when the Red Sea close up on the Pharaoh, & he calls out to his God, his Cat God can't do shit 'coz he's afraid of the water...")

And for people who always say that "dogs are better 'coz they r more social than cats..cats r so anti-social"...
well..let me quote from wiki :P (with some editing, for better flow,mind)
"The typical negative stereotype of a cat describes a very solitary animal, prone to aloofness and self-sufficiency.
However, cats are not generally as asocial as that stereotype, it's just that cats don't have a pack mentality.
This mainly means that an individual cat takes care of all basic needs on its own (e.g., finding food, and defending itself), and thus cats are always lone hunters; they do not hunt in groups as dogs or lions do.
One example of how house cats are naturally meant to behave is to observe feral domestic cats, which are social enough to form colonies..."

Plus, combined with the cats' cuteness & pest-controlling habits, you'll be hard-pressed to find a better pet.
[I can almost hear my friends' saying, "hmmph, if Haneef likes something, he finds whatever reasons, no matter how insignificant, to support his argument" :) ]

Actually, I think dogs are good pets too, its just due to my Islamic obligations, so I can't really take dogs as pets.. :)....another topic for another time...

Ahh..cats..what's not to love?...

p/s: do u know that a mother cat can be pregnant with offsprings from different fathers? The reason that this can happen because cats are one of the animals that can experience superfecund, i.e. fertilisation of two or more ova from the same cycle by sperm from separate acts of sexual intercourse.
In simple words, a female cat usually have more than one ovum per estrous cycle, and at the same time they have multiple partners, so their eggs can be fertilized by sperms from different male cats.
(don't worry, superfecund phenomenon in humans are extremely rare, because women rarely have more than one egg, and and are usually monogamous, at least in one estrous cycle)

Halcyon days...hopefully will last forever...

2007-09-01T21:16:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day evryone...

It's been more than 1 month since the last post...am settling down for 3rd yr now...6 weeks running. hv been a bit lost & depressed l8ly, even lonely sumtimes, but now...my mind is rested for the 1st time in a month or so...alhamdulillah

Although currently have many things on my plate...studies..organization work..thesis..reports...Insya Allah, God willing I can handle them all...

Right now the climate here in Indonesia is a little bit unfriendly for Malaysians...bcoz of the case where the Indonesian karate referee, Donald Luther Kolopita, was beaten without valid reason by 4 Malaysian police in plainclothes...mayb more on that in the nxt post I guess...mayb hehe.

Have to sign off now...Insya Allah more thoughts in the future...not in the nxt couple of days though...hv to sort out many things...

Thx for my friends who encourages me to keep on posting...here's to u guys hehe...

wassalam.. & good nite....(^^,)

Love is a many splendoured thing...& Bye Bye Malaysia! For now...

2007-07-28T09:17:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum & good day...

Thx Sujen for the pointer that he had gave in response to my last post...yeah, I forgot the whole thing about the Sorting Hat & the sword.

Actually I really has some good ideas (me thinks) to vent my spleen on for this post today, but alas, Allah has other plans for me..(or actually it is I who has plans hehe). I have to start packing for my flight to Jogja, Indonesia...2moro.

It is that my holiday is ended......I do wish that it was a teeny bit longer..(stop that u lazy bums, get back to work now!)...oh well, 6 weeks have gone by, and now it's hello 3rd year of med school, promising to be the toughest year yet in my med school life ....

So, in place of my post, I would like to share wif u an article..which I found quite interesting..it's an old news article lying dormant inside my laptop, I do have this "hamster syndrome", where I like to stash things that I like for future uses hehe.

If I am not mistaken, it's an article in NST (New Straits Times for the uniniated), back in May 2006, by Kalimullah Hassan who is currently the editor of NST (if I am not in error).
The title is:

Love Is A Many Splendoured Thing...

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life ...

You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostage. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you- and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

OUCH! This passage is from Neil Gaiman, the English-born American novelist, screenwriter and children’s book author. Love or shattered love both evoke strong emotions and reactions. Those who were young once can empathise with Gaiman’s spurned lover for surely, like most teenagers, they, too, went through such heartbreak.

It’s like this. When you are in love, nothing can go wrong. The freckles on your loved one’s face "add to her striking looks" and the wispy moustache on his face "makes him look macho".

But when love turns sour, the "freckles and all" bother you. When love goes bad, that wispy moustache, actually, makes him a wimp.

Strange thing, love. It’s understandable why Gaiman hates it so much.

Some time ago, Donny Osmond’s song Puppy Love was the favourite tune of many a teenager. Osmond mirrored the views of teenagers then — and now — when he sang that the elders don’t really understand.

And they called it
puppy love
Oh, I guess
They’ll never know
How a young
heart really feels
And why I love her so

And they called it
puppy love
Just because we’re
in our teens
Tell them all it isn’t fair
To take away
my only dream

That’s what my kids tell me now. I don’t understand. What is there to understand? I have been through it.

Didn’t my Standard Five trainee teacher break my heart when she went back to Day Training College after two months and never contacted me?
I still remember her house in Lahat Road in Penang. That’s how smitten I was.

Didn’t my Form Three teacher do the same when she upped and went and married that dentist in Bukit Mertajam?
And I still remember her white Datsun 100A and that she used to take off her shoes when she drove it. (I used to jostle with a few other lovesick classmates to carry her bag when she drove in. That’s how I knew she took off her shoes when driving.)

And my first "real" love — someone my age —forsook me when she became engaged to that engineering student who won a scholarship to Brighton University.

Of course, I understand. There is time for love and there is time for studies. Now is the time for studies. Love can come later, I tell them.

The problem with kids is, like Benjamin Disraeli said, they don’t realise that "the magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end".

End it surely does. Rare are those who say that they married their first love and have since lived happily ever after.
The reason everyone talks about their first love is because there was a second and a third and…

So, logic dictates that, in time, you will find your lasting love.
Why, therefore, forego the "more important" things in life now like your books, earning a degree and getting a good job instead of "wasting time" on a romance that in all probability will not last?

My friends, too, have this issue with their children. So we must be right and the children wrong. Right? Well…

After one such discussion with the children —they’re all in their teens or early 20s — I was reminded by my wife that we, too, were young once.
She’s the smart one in the family with her worldly wise views. It’s just that when you are set in your ways, like I have become, you don’t want wisdom to interfere with your ways.

When did I stop being a child and become a father? And a father like my father who, when I was a child, I thought did not understand me either.
He didn’t like it when I borrowed his car and took my college-bound girlfriend out till late. He didn’t like it when his friends told him that I was seen in town holding hands with her.
He didn’t like it when I tore pages from my schoolbook to write love notes which were never sent to her.
He didn’t like it when I went to the bachelor parties thrown by Munusamy and Goh Beng Huat, where the music was made for slow dances.
He didn’t understand.
I actually thought that he didn’t love me and I once ran away from home for five days, staying at a friend’s house in Penang.
Even when he came looking for me and found me and burst into tears when he saw I was safe, I didn’t realise that he loved me.

Now I know better.
Because I am the father that he was — always meaning well, loving the kids very much, yet, sometimes forgetting that I, too, was young once.
It takes us a long time to realise that our sons will grow up to love someone else because that’s the way life is, and that’s the way it should be.
It takes us a longer time to realise that our daughters will one day find another man in their lives — besides their father — and will go away.

Now, the fear sets in. They have new loves, they are going away to college, they are going to get married — so who’s going to be with us when we are old and frail?
These are the real worries but, I think, we sometimes just don’t want the kids to be hurt because we know that their hearts will be broken.
We cannot bear it when they pine for a love that could not be.

The last two verses of Puppy Love go thus:
I cry each night
my tears for you
My tears are all in vain
I’ll hope and I’ll pray
that maybe someday
You’ll be back in
my arms once again
Someone, help me, help me,
help me please
Is the answer up above
How can I,
how can I tell them
This is not a puppy love.

Didn’t we go through that as well and isn’t that why we want them to focus on real things such as studies and college?
No. Not really true, is it?
If we really are honest with ourselves, we have never forgotten our first loves.
We can remember the shape of their nose, the colour of their glasses, the wave of their hair, the smell of their soap and shampoo….

Each time we fell in love, it was a great feeling.
Our friends would call us stupid, love-sick puppies and we’d think they envied us.
Our fathers would rant and rave and we’d think the old fellows don’t know what it’s like to be in love.
Walking in the rain was so much fun; the scorching sun was a good excuse to go to the waterfalls in Sik (Kedah); the cold nights were an excuse to sit close together; the warm nights were a reason to spend a longer time in Ponniah’s ais kacang stall.
We could find an excuse for everything — as long as we were together.
Really, really, really… don’t you relish the memories of those days of puppy love? I do.

And it would be sad if we deprived our children of such memories to live on when they get older.

The important thing, though, is our last love, I must tell them. And I found it with their mother.(It’s true.)

For my late father, if he is watching me, I want to say:
"I became the man I think you wanted me to become. I know you loved me very much.
"But like you, after my episode as the runaway kid, I, too, will let the children be children.
"Because as you learned, I have learned. That’s the way it should be."

p/s: Goodbye Malaysia! & Thx to my INTEC friend Raais for sharing this article. I hope u, & evrybody, will all find their last loves in the end.....

Au Revoir, Harry!

2007-07-24T10:31:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum...
As I am posting this, I had just finished reading the final Harry Potter book, The Deathly
Hallows (HP7). Took me about 15 hours to finish it. (excluding other activities), hehe.

It has been quite the journey.

Well I remembered my 1st reaction when my mother bought the first books was indifference. "Another kiddie stuff", was my thought.
At that time, my family was late to embrace the Potter affair. Joanne Kathleen Rowling (pronounced more like bowling, rather than howling), aka JKR, has already written 3 books of the series. So, after my mom had finished with the the first book, I picked it up on a whim. And I was engrossed from the word go, hehe.
Before I continue, I would like to say that JKR is by no means a faultless and great writer, she has her shortcomings:
tendency to lose focus sometimes, redundant plots, holes in the storylines, and her ideas are not all original (being really a smorgasbord of all proven things and plot devices).

Warning: some spoilers ahead for those who haven't read The Deathly Hallows

So how was the book u ask? In my opinion, it was a good book, as a whole I think it is the 2nd or 3rd best book in the series, after Prisoner of Azkaban & The Philosopher's Stone.
Her pacing has greatly improved, the plot is engaging & fast albeit being the darkest in the series so far, what with so many deaths, with major characters dying left, right, & centre.
The humor is also not as abundant as previously, but when it is used, it is used well.
JKR also manages to tie up almost all of the loose ends, with interesting throwbacks to seemingly unimportant hints in the previous books, but now we know that the hints are important.
I also like the way that JKR has fleshed out more of some of the characters, making them more complex and more interesting. We thought we have got the characters figured out, but boy are we wrong! We get to see that Dudley do have a spot for Harry, Dumbledore is not morally perfect and has some weaknesses, Pettigrew's redemption, and Snape is not the double-crosser that he seems.
There are many scenes that really touches my heart, especially some of the deaths, like Dobby's, and Snape's past story. (I guess I am just a hopeless romantic...but the unrequited love that Snape has for Harry's mom, Lily, and his redemption due to that love, was just sad..)

Having said it the book is not without its faults. I think that some of the plot has leaps of logic, has holes.
For instance, how does Neville managed to obtain the sword in the end? I thought it was stolen by Griphook.
And what is the worm thing at the King's Cross? Is he Voldemort?
And does the moving pictures in the wizarding world has a connection to the person's original mind? JKR never explains this satisfactorily. The portrait Dumbledore is behaving just like the human Dumbledore. I think it just cancels out the closure we felt after Dumbledore' death. "Look, everyone, it's ok even if Dumbledore's dead, he can still give advice thru his portrait self!".
And even as I am writing this, I still don't understand completely how Harry cheats death after beong cursed by Voldemort, although I think I understand it vaguely.
The final showdown between Harry and Voldemort was a bit anticlimactic, I mean after 7 books' worth of buildup, I expect something better. Instead, it was more like a verbal duel, and Harry took us on a logical reasoning of how Voldemort has overseen the flaws in his plan.
And JKR could have done better with the ending. Whenever I read or watch anything, how the story ends is really important to me. The ending was OK, but I would really like to know what happened to the other characters after Voldemort's death, how do they cope with their losses, how do they rebuild their lives.

But as a whole it was a good read. In the end, the story is really about good winning over evil, about not fearing death, about friendship loving and caring for others, about seeing the good in others, about seeing others with unbiased & unprejudiced eyes, about optimism & hope.
JKR has managed to give a fitting end to the series, a feeling of closure. Thanks JKR, for creating an interesting story and involving characters.

Goodbye Harry...!

p/s: My favourite character in the series other than Harry, is Snape.

Nuri's broken wings..and finally will R.I.P

2007-07-19T08:40:00.001+07:00

A reply from my previous post from Kuden: "tulis la english. aku tak rase ko tulis skema pun. aku rase ko tulis best. tulis je tapi kalau ko nak rojak. pedulikan dbp haha"

hehe...oh well...mayb I stick wif English for a while..not that I am an Anglophile anyway...

As for the title...
Last night my parents & I were havin' dinner in front of TV..there were 2 news then..one was the follow-up on the Nuri tragedy..the other was about the carrying of Jalur Gemilang across the continents, in lieu of our 50th Merdeka festives..neway..

My dad commented: "Malaysia x abis2 tu je la kerja dia, skit2 nk cari nama, (referring to the flag run)." I added: "the tallest building, jln2 kat North Pole, etc etc. Kalau guna duit tu ganti Nuri lagi bagus rasenye." My mom chirped in: "Duit banyak kot, tapi semua hilang kt rasuah."

For those who dont know my family quite well,they might think we r all government haters & pro-Opposition hehe. But I disgress. That wasnt the point. Rather the point is that we think that the government should spend the people's money wisely.

The Nuri, aka Sikorsky, or better known as Sea King in other countries, was first used by US in 1961, as an anti-submarine heli. It was then used by Malaysia since 1967 or 1968, as a combat carrier. Since then, the Nuri helis has crashed about 17 times.

I am no military expert, nor I can say fairly that the Nuri might have overstayed its welcome, but surely this is ominous? 17 crashes in a space of 4 decades is not an attractive record. It doesnt take a genius to figure out that taking a ride in Nuri is dangerous business. I think those poor soldiers r always praying & keeping their fingers crossed b4 hopping onboard..hoping that this wouldnt b their Titanic voyage.

I think that the Nuris should go. We shouldnt endanger the lives of our soldiers, our countrymen, just bcoz we refuse to change our derelict helis. I think its such a waste to lose their lives thru heli crashes, which we could avert & prevent. No price should b too high for preventing the loss of human lives. I am not saying that we should forego any flag-running or mountain-scaling or building anything for the country's pride, but we should spend the people's money on more important things first: replacing Nuris, education, health, eradicating poverty...then if we have extra money, only then may the Government send someone to dive into The Mariana Trench etc etc.

I am sorry, and am expressing my regret & condolences for the victims' families. Deep down in my heart, I think that the deaths should have been avoided.

But Najib has said that the Nuris will b replaced in 3 years time. Let's just hope there will b no more crashes.

We can only hope...

Mayb I should be bilingual hehe...

2007-07-17T11:19:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum...

sorry for the long wait...just finished a round trip to Kelate to visit dear old 'nenek' (love u Granny! hehe), then after that visiting my Sis at MRSM Pendang...

...I am never going on a trip from Kelate to KL by a 4WD...nvr again...
....'pusing sana pusing sini...nak muntah kawe' hehe...

neway...i have been wondering whether I should blog 100% in english...or mish mash it with Malay...coz I read my previous posts...hehe...& I feel unsatisfied...
now that's a big problem dont u think? if ppl r bored wif my blog, fine...but I am bored with my own posts?hehe..trouble's in the air...

how to say...when I read my posts...they seemed stale...not fresh...'skema' hehe...
mayb bcoz when I use english...I tend to use 'bookish' words....

the reason why I dont use Malay with English...bcoz if I use both together..I think I wont do them both justice...(u know..bahasa rojak...I can sense the DBP guys are already wagging their tongues hehe, saying no to bahasa rojak)

but I think I should try to use bahasa rojak for a while...to be fair to all my friends...eventhough it means that my blog cant go global haha (so boastful Haneef..tsk tsk tsk)

...the DBP police r after me now...

"Autobots! Transform & Roll out!"

2007-07-12T10:10:00.000+07:00

I love Transformers back in my childhood days...still do I guess...

love the Autobots..altruistic Optimus Prime and his sense of good, honour, friendship..hehe...adorable Bumblebee.."cowboy" Ironhide..rebellious Dinobots ("me Grimlock King")..Jazz with the musical voice..the no-mouth Wheeljack...

Then we have the Decepticons..strong & tenacious Megatron..shrill, double-crossing Starscream, emotionless & cold Soundwave..and all those interesting robot-sets (Constructicon, Combaticon, Stunticon) hehe...

Mayb the attraction was the changing forms, the powerful characterization,the camaredrie, the straight outright good vs evil...
I could go on & on...

Which brings us to the Transformers movie? Is it any good? hehe...

Transformers
Directed by Michael Bay
Pros:
+The movie manage to retain the spirit of the cartoons. Optimus is still the same character..wise, caring, a strong leader...u can sense that the Autobots really have strong bonds..Megatron is menacing..Starscream is still waiting to betray Megatron etc etc
+Good balance of storyline btwn robots and humans...I thought that the human element will b forgotten..not so here..
+Really mind-blowing special effects, the transformation scene...all r really seamless..the robots dont seem to b fake

Cons:
-When the robots start to brawl, sometimes its really hard to tell which is which..."wait, is that Bumblebee or Barricade getting slammed?"...because mayb I am more partial with the cartoon designs of the robots...the movie designs seem to b full of cogs & gears & God knows what other mechanical parts hehe
-Autobots seemed to me a bit weak compared to the Decepts..one of them get torn in half (sob sob)..both Ratchet and Ironhide cant subdue one Decept..& they need help from humans...Optimus gets beaten really bad by Megatron..(well mayb because Autobots were holding back..so that humans r not harmed..)
-The disappointing ending. Megatron was supposed to be strong and all, I thought he would be finished by Prime. But he had to go down the way he did.it's a bit anti-climatic after the build-up, a bit of a cop-out..

Final verdict: It's a good movie, with really mind-blowing special effects, albeit a simple storyline. Fans of Transformers shouldn't miss it, non-fans should get a good time..7.8 out of 10

And so it begins...

2007-07-12T09:26:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum...

hehe actually I have some misgivings about this..becoming a blogger..

once I said to my pal Kuden, "Kuden, aku ni bleh ke jadi blogger, aku ni kan skema...takut diorang boring baca aku punye blog..serius & x lawak langsung"...to which the reply was, "alah, selambe je, try la dulu..."

so, I said to myself, mayb I should give it a try...hehe..I have dabbled in blogs once..it was a disaster (my views & mine alone hehe).

mayb I felt compelled to give blogging one more shot, bcoz I noticed that my literary wit had dulled a gr8 deal...back during my school days I like to write short stories...er I mean...if the BM or English teacher gives an option, I always like to do "Gambaran cereka" or free style hehe..those were the days..so I just want to make sure that my language stays sharp...

& also my hope that my blog would be an outlet for me to pour of some steam, & also an outlet for me to share my ideas, my thoughts, my musings....

hopefully I won't repeat my mistake with my previous blog...back then I would try to update evry day...until I myself was bored reading the posts hehe...
I will update only when I am feeling like it...not as a compulsory daily activity...

I am also thinking of whether I should use English only or interchange it with Malay also...since I dont want to alienate my friends...any comment hehe?

well I guess I should be off now...for the moment...till then...

wassalam