The Sabine Chronicles 4: A dear friend's visit

previous part of the story...It was a cold night

A wet and misty Sunday morning.

The living room radio is fittingly belting out Maroon 5’s Sunday Morning.

“Sunday morning rain is falling…steal some cover… share some skin…”

Hazami smiles wrily. Rain is definitely falling alright. Bed covers are aplenty. But there’s decidedly no skin. Unless it was his own.

He’s expecting company. The table on the patio is set and ready. Nothing that’s too fancy. French toast, with marmalade aside. Fried eggs. Cups which are twins of each other brimming with ground coffee. Wisps of steam arise from the cups and dissipate to the cold air.

Presently the doorbell rang. “Assalamualaikum” chirped the built-in greeting.

“Waalaikumussalam. Come Sabine, let’s greet him.” Sabine abruptly rose and stretched. “He better bring along some treats or else,” seemed to be the feline’s body language. Hazami chuckled, more to himself.

In the doorway stood Azzim. His dear friend since secondary school days.

“Nice of you to drop by, Azzim. How was the commute from Penang yesterday?How’s the business talk?”
“Both was pleasant. Likewise Zam. It’s been ages.”
“Come, I have set the table for two.” “Meowww,” Sabine protested. “Well, two and a half.” Hazami added apologetically. “Haha, how are you faring, Sabine?” Azzim petted Sabine affectionately. “Here’s some Whiskie. Tuna. Your favourite.” Azzim produced a small pack of cat food. Sabine purred approvingly.

The three of them sat at the table, Sabine at the floor curling with 2 bowls of milk and tuna Whiskie.

Hazami and Azzim spent the greater part of the hour talking about work, old friends, goings-on of the world. They have a lot to catch up about each other. Work and, in Azzim’s case, family, have been occupying them both these days. Azzim, a botanical researcher with USM in Penang, Hazami, young GP doctor upon the throes of registrarship.

“So, you are set on specializing in Medicine?” “If there’s still empty seats for the scholarship from UKM, eitherwise…I am keeping my fingers crossed,” Hazami said. “Other specializations?” “Not really into them much. In fact, back when I was a lowly intern, an OG specialist appraised me physically and said, Kid, you get Medicine stamped all over you. Haha, no, I think Medicine is the best option for me. Either it or I am looking at another opening next time. I am not in a hurry.”

“Well, you know best..”said Azzim. “How is Rafidah and Raudhah?”asked Hazami. “Mom and daughter? Alhamdulillah, they are healthy. It’s been 2 months now since Raudhah was born.” Azzim mused “That’s good to hear. And your Tiger?” “Azri?Scraped his knee for the umpteenth time last week.” Hazami smiled, and added, “Boys of his age are always adventurous. I broke my own forearm bone when I was also 5.”
“Yes, yes. Haha. And it seems only just yesterday I was a doting first-time father.”
And these close friends laughed heartily. And after the peals of laughter subsided, a moment of silence. Sabine is lapping silently at the milk bowl.

Azzim took the initiative, “So, how are you holding up?” “Hmm? Meaning…?” Hazami replied quizzically.

“Come on Zam, you know what I mean. I…don’t take this the wrong way Zam. But don’t you feel lonely? This place you have here, it is nice and cozy. But it is missing something. Don’t you… don’t you want to give it another try?”

Hazami smiled, but it was a tired smile. “Well, I do have Sabine. She’s good company. And Mak, Ayah, and my dear sisters and their families, my friends, all are just a phone away, if it gets really boring..” Hazami patted Sabine absent-mindedly. “Besides, I am busy with work. I don’t have time to go anywhere..”

Azzim sighed. “I’m just worried for you mate, that’s all. You are the only one you know…who are still not hitched.” “Yes, previously it was a contest between me and Hamidah and Zamani right? Haha,” Hazami laughed, but his laughter died abruptly when he saw Azzim’s concerned look. “Well, thanks Zim for your concern. It’s not that I haven’t thought about it. It’s just that I have been used to being on my own, that I have adapted to it. Now I cook my own meal. If I grew tired of my cookings, there’s always eat-outs. Cleaning up has always been my forte. There are many more books, countless movies waiting for me to dig my teeth into. My days are occupied to the max, that I never have the time to feel alone.”

Azzim eyed Hazami intently. “Is that really true? I don’t think you yourself believe in what you said just now. I know you brother. Maybe more than anyone else.”
Hazami sighed a deep long sigh. “I suppose you are right. Maybe it was my own self that I was trying so hard to convince. This house…” Hazami waved his hand around, “…needs its Queen. But you, Zim, of all people should understand. I am tired. It’s always the same with each woman. They will always say: You think too much. You are not confident enough. You are just too childish. You are too analytical. You make a mountain out of a mole-hill. You are fretful. You are not old enough. You are just too weird.. And the list goes on. Not to mention all those cheatings and lyings. That wardrobe there is bursting open.”

Azzim nodded sympathetically. Hazami had that curious habit of storing an iconic item which signifies each and everyone of his relationship in one mahogany wardrobe in his house. It is fitted with see-through glass panels, 1 metre by half a metre, with 3 rows. And it’s full to the brim. Letters, dried up flower petals, pendants.

“I…..I don’t know what to expect anymore. I know that time is not on my side. At 34, I can’t elect to be choosy. Do you think that I have been…well….too selective?”asked Hazami.

Azzim closed his eyes and reflected. All those run of bad lucks. Improper timing. Being hoodwinked a couple of times by money-grabbing women. Not the right situation. And Azzim thought, “No.” Hazami was always accommodating of other people’s faults. He was willing to accept folks for who they are. And Azzim answered likewise. “No, you are not.” Azzim added, “But never give up hope, Zam. Never give up hope, I implore you. You are a special one in my eye. Never thought of less of yourself. Maybe…maybe Allah saved the best for you, for last.”

Hazami smiled, “Ameen. Thank you. I never really gave up hope.”

Then the conversation continued for a little while. Until it’s time to leave.

“Thanks for the meal. Keep in touch…and keep your spirits up.” “I will Zim. I will. Regards to Rafidah, wouldn’t you?” “Of course I will. Assalamualaikum. Bye Sabine.” “Waalaikumussalam.” “Purr,” come Sabine’s answer. Upon that cue, Azzim and his Peugeot, was gone. Back to Penang.

“Well, Sabine, time to clean up.” “Meoww.”

That night, while Hazami was taking in the wondrous night sky peppered with glowing stars, through the glass roof, he said a silent prayer. “O Allah, let there be no more new additions to that mahogany wardrobe. I can’t afford to buy a new one.”

He smiled, and drifted to Morpheous’ realm again. At that armchair by the bookcase, to the tune of Celine Dion’s When I Fall in Love….

“When I fall in love…it would be forever..or I’ll never fall in love..”
“And the moment that…I feel that…you feel that way too…is when I fall in love..with…you….”

He drifted more and more deep in his slumber, but with a difference tonight.

With hope.

The Sabine Chronicles 3: It was a cold night...

previous part of the story...Not taking his own medicine

So cold.

The car's thermometre implied that the air outside was 22 Celsius.

He stopped at the local 7-11 to grab some milk.

"Evening Dr!" chirped Grace the cashier. "Evening.." was the tired reply. "Tired" was strengthened by the panda eyes, that haggard appearance, the 2-day shirt. The unruly sorry excuse for a hair.

Tired! Was the unanimous equivocal statement.

"Are those Good Day ones in stock, Grace dear?" "Sorry, sold out for the day. But the Dutch Lady's are at the back."

He cringed. Dutch Lady is a bit expensive. All the same, he took two of the Lady's.

"Working late Dr?" "At the end of a 2-day shift. Going home for a while to have my 40 winks," he replied with a wry smile.

"So, Dr, when is our big date?" Grace said with mischievous eyes. He smiled. "If I have told u, I have said it a million times. I am too old for you. Wouldn't want to be charged with a minor."

"Aww, too bad. I was hoping that we can go to somewhere cozy..." "Bye Grace!Nite!" Grace's advances was cut short.

That last 1 km drive home was uneventful. "Damn that Grace!" Always teasing him. Another tired smile. Rounding that last cul-de-sac, parking his Toyota Vios.

"Assalamualaikum. Sabine! I'm home!"

Down came Sabine from upstairs, prancing gracefully. Quite the feminine grace. With that haughty blue eyes. Colour of lapis lazuli. Striking.
Air of confidence. Like she commanded the room. Sucking the very air into her. Like an endless vortex.
That silky hair. Soft to the touch.
Those lovely curves. Shapely.

"There you are! Do you miss me? Hope you have eaten those dishes that I've prepared for you." He stroked her hair. "I've got you some milk" he added. She eyed him thoughtfully.

And he went to prepare himself his first square meal in days. Nothing sashy. Just fried rice with omelette. The one that everyone can whip up in 20 mins. He also cooked for his dear Sabine.

They had a simple dinner together. Of course, Sabine must have her dinner with milk. All the while he was regaling her about that difficult specialist Dr. Ifrinda, or about Puan Malika's improving conditions, or Azzim's new son, or Angah's salary increase, Adik's new job, Dad's new golf set, and about Mum's impending retirement.

He was content after that. For Sabine is very a good listener. She makes the speaker feel appreciated.

He cleaned things up. For eventhough Sabine is a good listener, she was no good in tidying things up. Some might consider that a fatal error. It was fine by him.

And then he went to his armchair by the hi-fi.
Next to the armchair was a bookcase stuffed to the brim with books. All kinds of books imagineable. Most of the books are well-worn. Testament that he has read them countless times.

He plucked a cd into that old hi-fi. Out came the classic song I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith.

To the tune of that song he picked Tere-Liye's Bidadari Surga from the bookshelf. Tere-Liye is an Indonesian writer. His writings are about slice-of-life. Perseverance. Hope. Struggle.

He read it for the umpteenth time. While absent-mindedly stroking Sabine's hair. Steve Tyler's voice in his ears.

Past the half-hour mark, he fell asleep on that armchair. Upon closer inspection, that armchair too seemed well-worn. As if the owner constantly fell asleep while reading there. And that was the case actually. Has always been for years now. He rarely sleeps in his bedroom anymore. Preferring this sanctuary of armchair/hi-fi/bookcase to the splendor of his bedroom.
He is more contented this way.

"I dont wanna close my eyes...I dont wanna fall asleep..coz I miss you baby..and I dont wanna miss a thin'.."

But he did fall asleep.

Sabine, seeing him slipping into Morpheus' realm, slowly yawned herself. But she was not quite tired. She's not diurnal anyway. Nocturnal is her biology. And then she pranced on her four legs.

Four??

Yes, four. For she is not Homo sapiens. More like Felis domesticus.

The book Bidadari Surga slowly falls from his lap. The upturned page is page 290. A sentence commanded our attention.

"Ia sudah terbiasa dengan kesendiriannya..."

continued in...A dear friend's visit

First 2 months in clinical rotations...

Assalamualaikum,

I started my clinical rotations of 2 years on 4th May 2009 (which is also Adik's birthday, that's 2 pivotal moments on 1 date).

Due to luck of the draw, my first posting was Obstetrics and Gynecology (henceforth OG) department for 2 months.

Just finished OG. Got a break for 1 week before entering ENT (Ear Nose Throat) department.

Havent got any pictures as mementos of my exp in OG. I am just not a picture-snapper. But "a picture is worth more than a thousand word", or so they say. Must change this habit :) . The dearth of pictures in my collection also means the dearth of memories.

Entering clinical rotations (henceforth CR) means being a member of a permanent group of colleague. All of the students in my batch are broken down to small groups of 11 to 12 people. Big dept like OG will constitute a permanent combination of 2 groups.

Since through the theoretical years foreign students have a different schedule than Indonesian students, this is my first time of truly mixing with my Indonesian friends. Alhandulillah, I can get along well with my group members. (which is a given, considering that these are the people I will work with for the next 2 years).

So, the past 2 months have taught me a lot of things, and got me thinking very hard.

The moment you wore that white coat, it entails a lot of things. Responsibility, accountability. People trusted you a lot. And if you are not deserving of that white coat, you must buck up or ship out. Every time I wore that white coat, I felt undeserving. Feeling that I have to be better as a doctor.

Being Sensitive to All Human Tragedies Irrespective of Race, Nations, or Creed: Part 1

Assalamualaikum and good morning,

Without meaning to make light of the gravity of situation in the recent Gaza conflict, which in itself is deserving of our unbridled attention, there are other plights afflicting groups of people which we might not be aware of, due to lack of media coverage, because their plights are "not important to the political global landscape".


First, there are the plight of the Rohingyas, an ethnic group of mostly Islam by religion which traditionally lives in Arakan, in northern Myanmar. They are a marginalised community in Myanmar, deprived of their ancestral land and rights for Myanmar citizenship.
Prof. Gabriele Marranci wrote about their plight in three of his articles (in chronological order) : The other, invisible suffering of Burma; Rohingya Odyssey: a silent cultural genocide?; and Rohingya Muslims and injustice: a security issue? . Their plight are not even listed in the list of ongoing conflicts worldwide in Wikipedia.

Excerpts from Marranci's articles:

"Rohingya Muslims are victims of their lack of strategic value, both for their native Southeast Asia and the wider international community. Similarly to the tragic reality of Black Muslims in Darfur, their lives have no economic, or political, value for the rest of our cynical world."

"It is clear that the Islamic concept of ummah has little value when compared to political interests. Rohingya Muslims in Bangladesh, as in other Muslim countries such as Indonesia or Malaysia , are no more welcomed than in Thailand. Rohingya Muslims have protested, even recently, and tried to make more and more people aware, especially other ‘brothers’ and ’sisters’, of their intolerable condition. Yet who is really listening to them?"

"...the majority of Muslims, even those so ready to violently scream and shamefully misbehave in the name of a free Palestine, will not whisper even a single word to help these ‘brothers’. How many Muslims have heard an imam mention the name Rohingya during his supplication (Du’a) for Afghanis, Palestinians, Iraqis and even perhaps the Chechen muhajedeen?"

" ...many Muslim governments...still play the ‘Muslim ummah’ card, as in the case of the Danish Cartoons, when it is needed for their political games - but never when ordinary Muslims, like the Rohingya, without political value to barter with, find themselves oppressed."

"...the discussion is not about them, as human beings or to address their issues, but rather about how to get rid of them as quickly as possible."

Next, is the Darfur conflict raging in Sudan. Last year, the conflict managed to grab headlines for a stretch of time, before being relegated to the dustbins of journalism. The conflict is between people of African-Arab descent (specifically the Janjaweeds, allegedly helped by the Sudanese government) and the Black Africans living in Darfur province of Sudan. UN estimated that around 300 000 people had died. Further information can be gleaned from Wikipedia and the BBC.

The Gaza conflict has ceased for the time being, but the Sri Lankan conflict is still ongoing. The conflict is between the Sri Lankan Government (dominated by the Sinhalese) and the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE), who fights for an independent state for the Tamil minority. Since the conflict initially erupted in 1983, 80 000 people has been killed. Now, after years of fighting, it seemed that the balance of power has shifted to the Sri Lankan Army, who has occupied most of north-eastern Sri Lanka (LTTE power base) and pushed the LTTE to a strip of land there.
However, about 200 000 civilians (est.) who are mostly Tamils and not affiliated to LTTE are still trapped in the crossfire.

I was drawn to these conflicts, because it seemed to me that the immediate circle of people around me are sometimes selective in tuning their compassion to the victims of human conflicts.

(to be continued...) Part 2

Broadening Your Horizons About the Gaza Incident

Assalamualaikum and good evening,

Since I havent been actively blog-hopping for the past few months, when I do blog-hop for a few hours today, digging up blog archives, there are some noteworthy articles that piqued my interest, and I would like to share with you guys.

The first group of articles is about the current Gaza conflict between Israel and Palestine (going on for close to 60 years now).

My heart goes out to all the innocent civilians who died or were maimed during the conflict, irrespective of Palestinians or Jews. Contrary to popular belief, not all Jews support the active war effort perpetrated by the Israeli government against the Palestinians, although I cant vouch as to the number of these peace-minded Jews. But it can be said that most of the casualties during the 6 decades of conflict have been Palestinians.

Read these articles with an open heart.

Prof. Gabriele Marranci argues that the conflict might be a way for both Kadima and Hamas to appease their respective citizens, trapping them in a cycle of death.
He also argues that if we truly analyze the conflict, it is a political conflict, not a religious one.

Mustafa Akyol wrote that the main problem is that both sides seemed to think that their cause is the right one, and the other side is the evil one.

Tun Dr Mahathir also wrote a series of rebuttals to the claims made by the Jews regarding the conflict.

I hope that you will gain something from them.

Wassalam.

Entering Clinical years...Finally!

Assalamualaikum and good evening,

If my blog page is considered a bookshelf, festoons of cobwebs will be dangling from its corners.

The past few months have been very crucial for me. I was finishing my theoretical years, culminating with the important exam of Penilaian Berbasis Kompetensi Ko-Asisten, aka PBKK for short in Indonesian language. In English, roughly it translates to Med Interns Assesment Based on their Competency.

What makes PBKK more terrifying to us UGM med students was due to its nature of not relying on written answers, but rather your skills and ability to cope with pressure. Basically, you have to perform a series of clinical skills (anamnesis, delivering a baby, suturing skins, etc. ) in a limited time-frame while having your lecturers breathing up your neck like vultures feasting upon carrions.

Well, I did exaggerate a bit, hehe.

Add to the fact that you never know what your exact questions would be until the moment you enter the exam room, e.g. we know that Room 1 is for Emergency Cases, but will we get CPR and ET, or CPR with Splint? How about Integrated Patient Management (IPM)? Will I get the comparatively lightweight TB, or will I get the devious CHF?

So, at the end of the day, it's a combination of hard work and pure luck.
Some will work their a** off for this exam and still flunked it because they get the 'perfectionist' examiners who expect you to do everything to a tee, or because they get the HIV case, or because their nerves just fail them.
Others with less work rate might find the exam plain sailing and pass because they have 'kind' examiners (oh, they are still students...still learning..as long as they don't mess up too much...), or they might get that TB or Malaria case.

Oh, the PBKK was on 24 February, 4 days ago. Results will be out by 14 March.
If I pass it, Insya Allah I am eligible to enter the clinical rotations come 23 March.
If I don't, then I will have to wait another month before I had another go for PBKK remedial.
Yup, that's right, another month of waiting while your friends are practicing at the hospitals.
With a failure rate of between 50 to 60% for first-timers, I am keeping my fingers crossed.

What to do between 24/2 and 14/3 you say? Well, I am currently back in Malaysia now for 2 weeks break. Figured that since in clinical years my longest holidays would be 1 week breaks, I am spending time with my family now. Clinical years would be close to 2 years before completion.

Hope that me and my fellow batchmates will all be part of the first intake for clinical rotations, Insya Allah.

But for now, a break. The calm before the storm.... :)

Wedding Tag

1) Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right NOW!.
2) DON’T change your clothes, DON’T fix your hair…just take a picture.
3) Post that picture with NO editing.
4) Post these instruction with your picture.

ok, so I might have straightened my hair a bit. It was a tangled mess.

1.How old are you?
23.

2. Are you single?
Yes.

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Probably between 31 to 35. Allah may have other plans though.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
I dont understand the phrase "the person you are with now". Friends? Special someones? If it's the former, maybe. If it's the latter, then I am still unlucky in that department.

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
A woman who shares the same goal and vision in life as me. A person whom I can understand & appreciate, and vice versa.

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
Garden wedding.

7. Your ideal motif?
Colour theme is white and light blue. Dashes of peach would be nice. Scent of lilies and lavender.

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Japan, under the sakura trees. Or wherever my wife preferred.

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
around 500 to 800.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
Somewhere in the middle ground, not too extravagant as to be wasteful, and not as simple as to be meaningless.

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
Something of our own creation.

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
5 layers.

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?

Simple place. A hotel usually will render the atmosphere to be soulless.

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
Morning. At the break of dawn. Signifying a great beginning of hope.

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Outdoors is the preference.

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom/bride?
If she consented to it. Probably try to convince her anyway. Would like to make her feel special.

17. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding?
I Hear You Everywhere by Tanaka Rie, Tercipta Untukku by Ungu, Destiny by Jim Brickman & Jordan Hill, Super Trouper by ABBA, I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith, When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating, You'll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins, Keabadian Cinta by Anuar Zain, Belaian Jiwa by Innuendo, Kau Ilhamku by Man Bai, Rumahku Syurgaku and Selamat Pengantin Baru by Hijjaz, and Cari Pasangan by Rabbani.

18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Morning person.

19. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
Solemn ceremony.

20. What age do you want to get married?
Repeat question..Refer no.3..Ideally will be 26.

21. Describe your ideal husband/wife.

A woman who shares the same goal and vision in life as me. A person whom I can understand & appreciate for what she is (warts and all), and vice versa.

22. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
Never a fan of fine dining anyway. Its too much of a hassle. Normal please.

23. Champagne or red wine?
Hehe. Apple juice?

24. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Right after.

25. Money or household item?
No preferences. Appreciate all gifts.

26. Who will pay for the bills?
Going Dutch here.

27. Are you ready for married life?
I am not a good judge as to that. Having said that, I think that I have lots of thing in myself that I have to work upon and change, before embarking on the road to matrimony.

28. Do you think you will still be a virgin until u get married?
Definitely.

29. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
God-willing, yes.

30. How many kids do you like?
4 or 5 would be nice.

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
No preferences, so long as it's nice, cozy, and manageable.

32. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
God-willing, yes.

33. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
Oriental.

34. Will you record your honeymoon in a cd or dvd?

Yes, I will. For future memories.

Life of the Morally Grey

Assalamualaikum & good evening,

In the fictive world, writers are wont to delineate their integral characters into clear-cut personalities of good & evil. White againsts black.

Rowling gave us the opposing forces of Harry Potter & Voldemort, Tolkien fleshes out the antagonism of Aragorn & Sauron, Lucas spun a story of Luke Skywalker against the Emperor.

But what strikes me is, us real-life characters, are not easily classified into black & white. More often than not, it is likely grey. That is why sometimes I find it hard to relate to these black or white characters. Because they may at times seemed unrealistic in the real setting. The white characters are sometimes holier-than-thou, uptight, preachy. The black characters are hell-bent on destruction, & being evil for evil’s sake.


Perhaps realizing this, the aforementioned writers did include grey characters in their literary works. Rowling dishes out Snape, an ambiguous character, whose true intentions are only revealed towards the end of the magnum opus, in The Deathly Hallow. Snape’s actions was mainly motivated by his undying love to a certain character. Tragic doesn’t even describe Snape’s story. Tolkien put forth the character Boromir, the son of the Steward of Gondor, who was seduced by the power of the One Ring, believing that he can wield it to destroy the evil that is Sauron. Lucas introduced to us the tragic Darth Vader, who was turned into a monstrous being to save his wife.

Maybe, because in these grey ones, I see the most correct way to describe humanity. These grey characters stumble in their lives’ path, make mistakes. But at the same time, they sometimes do acts of good. There is always the question of redemption.

Which is actually similar to the stories of most of us, right?

Because in the end, Snape eventually helped Dumbledore & Harry to bring about the downfall of Voldemort, Boromir died at Amon Hen defending the Hobbits, & Darth Vader threw the Emperor to his death by the core reactor. These men have sinned, because they make choices that they thought was the best. But they turned out right in the end.

So, don’t be hard on yourself if you make mistakes. At the cost of sounding a bit lame, “to err is human, to be perfect is divine”. What is more important, you learn from your mistakes.

Wassalam. Happy Eid Adha to all Muslims.

p/s: Sorry Dayah. I made your tag later. Been a bit busy now.

My Bedrock

Assalamualaikum & good evening,

I wonder why I never posted about my family before. They are such an integral part of my life. I am what I am, because of their continued love & support.

Ayah, you have taught me to stand up for myself, and never flinch at life's challenges. You are the source of my admiration. If I even have half of your qualities, I will become a greater person than I am now.

Emak, words cannot express the sacrifice and love you have given to me all these years. There could never be a more understanding, a more loving Mom. I hope that I can repay your deeds by becoming a very good person.

Angah and Adik, thank you for being such good sisters. Over the years we have gone through so much. It has always been my greatest fear that I have not played the part of a big brother as good as I had envisaged. I hoped that my fear is baseless. I hoped that I have been a good role model for you, my dear sisters.

I just arrived in Jogja yesterday.

Somehow, my farewell with my family this time weighs heavily on my heart. Greater than usual. There's more than the usual tinge of sadness.

There's a heartfelt longing for them this time around.

Ya Allah, tempatilah mereka dalam kasih sayang-Mu.

Today is A Gift

Assalamualaikum & good evening,

There comes a time when a person pulls all the stops & examine how his life has been going up until that point.

If it was my case, I have pulled all the stops countless times.

Friends have said that I am fretful, that I think too much.

Too burdened by past regrets, too mired with what's too come.

Like Master Oogway say to Po in Kungfu Panda, "You are too concerned with what was & what will be." but Oogway then continued, "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."

Once heard during a Friday sermon:
"The most successful person is he who has no regrets of his past actions, is contented with what he is now, and doesnt worry about the future"
I guess I am not successful then. Terribly not successful.

If I had done things differently in days past, would I change for the better?

The challenges of the future, will I be ready to face them head-on?

Have I accomplished what I always dream of?

Ya Allah, tabahkanlah hatiku. Tunjukkanlah aku ke jalan yang Kau redhai.